Thursday, November 22, 2012

Motherhood

‘Motherhood’, when I was unmarried, I felt it was the most overrated virtue. When my mother used to get up early in the morning, even in the hardest of winters, and me and my sister were still curled up in the warm quilts, I used to wonder why does she have to do all these things? okay she has to cook but why get up so early for it, okay we have school, but then what is the need to get up at 5.am to do the cleaning and mopping and why get after our life to get up and get ready ??… well.. I even used to ask her, why do you do so much? Why can’t you sleep some more? Why don’t you ever relax? and my mother used to tell me you will know when your turn comes, but I was very sure that I will never be like her, my sleep and my comfort was too precious for me to even think of compromising on it for anybody.. anybody!!

Then I got married and even then I had no inkling, I still had the same feeling towards motherhood, I was not particularly inclined towards my nieces and nephews from my husband’s side, from our side I am the eldest so thankfully I did not have howling babies and naughty toddlers running around wild. I was greatly annoyed at the way my sister in law kept all calm and silent in the midst of screaming children jumping on the sofas or slyly scribbling on the walls , sliding down the stair case railing etc. After a couple of years when I was blessed with a daughter I still had no inkling, as people say, there was no instant connection, there was no love at first sight, in fact I made sure for a couple of days under the garb of recovering from my csec stitches that I never even looked at the direction of her when my mother or mother in law changed her nappies … aargh.. it was not for me to do it.. I thought I’d ask them to stay some more and let them do it, then I would have some ayah to attend to her, so I planned.

That was me, but the U turn came when after we had reached home and it was almost a week and I saw my husband, who was worse than me when it came to kids, changing nappies without complaining, infact I saw him taking the initiative, I saw him burping her, cradling her in his arms and saying sweet nothings… that is when I realized… it was actually a realization.. I felt guilty and bad about myself, how could I have turned my face from my child … I realized that neither my mom nor his mom is going to stay with us forever, I also realized that after a few months I would any way have to leave my child behind under my mother in laws care and join office, so I changed, I made an effort.  I looked long and hard at my daughter, her beautiful face (by now I know for every Mother, their child is the most beautiful) , jet black hair, such soft skin and the way she looked at me as if she knew I am her mother and I would take care of her. I started getting up at nights with out being called to feed her, change her nappies and hold her, she cried a lot during the first month, and I was upset , I tried to cajole her, soothe her and when nothing worked I even shouted at her and my father sleeping in the next room would wake up and take her from me and put her to sleep.

Motherhood, I tell you changes even the hardest of souls , I was one, I was least interested in kids, I was happy to be only me and my husband and no baby to attend to but when my daughter was born, a few weeks and I was changed, though I still have the hardness in me somewhere , like I used to yell at her for crying a lot, even now I do that for various reasons. Both my daughters have melted away my hardness and I am mostly a changed person now, and yes now I get up at 5.am in the mornings and cook because my daughter’s school bus comes at 6.30 am and now she asks me ‘Mamma why do you have to get up so early in the morning, why don’t you relax some more?

Yes... now I do not think ‘Motherhood’ is an overrated virtue at all, it definitely changes you for the better , it is not about any sacrifice.. it is not that you have to become a mother to become a better person but I sincerely believe that  it is about understanding another soul as you have never tried understanding any other........

5 comments:

  1. Such an honest and heartfelt post :)
    'you will know when your turn comes' - My Mother says that too :)

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  2. I relate to your post so much, I was exactly the same, in fact I still moan and groan about waking up early, but I do it anyway :).

    I think there are 2 types of people, some have an instant connection with ALL babies, while others have to develop it even with their own - both me and hubby fall under that second category.

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  3. Hi Swar,yes! your mother is very true, just like my mother turned out to be :)

    Hi Aparna, You are right, and eventually our babies change us for the better :)

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  4. Such a moving post, your words are straight from your heart. I could very well relate to the little girl asking her mother all sorts of questions starting from 'Why'. Time indeed has answers to so many of our questions.

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  5. thanks Arti, yes indeed, time has answers to so many questions

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