Monday, May 8, 2017

Much after I am gone

This balcony has been my favourite place since we shifted to  this apartment on the 17th floor.  The view of the ground below , the sprawling green golf course beyond the apartment and the small pathway leading to the city’s hustle and bustle are all very dear to me.

Sitting in the balcony, dangling my legs through the steel railing  ,  as if perched on the dead end of a cliff gives me a high, especially when it is after a fiery argument. The after noons are most heady, this is the time when the happenings of the mornings rushes back to my head. This is the time when the entire world stands still, my house reeks of an eerie  silence.  This is when I start imagining that  I am  in a dead city where no man lives any where near me. This is when  a strange, uneasy peace envelops my entire being.

Many times I had been tempted to lurch out, to jump on to the ground below and see what happens? will it create a difference in any body’s life?? Even now, when I am alive and breathing I am useless, I am forgotten, I am seldom given a second thought.

The medicines that I take daily are not helpful, the absence of a kid from our life, even after 9 years of marriage has reduced me to this nervous wreck.  I am living only to cook, clean, wait, anticipate, get disappointed,  get into daily  arguments, cry incessantly and then this cycle continues, month after month, year after year with no  change, what so ever.

Today I am all decked up, I am wearing my favourite perfume after a very long time, this is the same perfume which got me and him talking for the first time.. but the perfume lost out its charm and importance in due course of time.  Though this perfume with a whiff of sandalwood and ever so subtle hint of frangipani never ceased to be my favourite but  I stopped wearing it, just as I had stopped wearing make up or trendy clothes,  in short I have given up on myself.

Today I am going to do what I had been wanting to do for a long time.. I am going to set my self free, I am sure it will be really good for me, especially because  I am going to do it  from my favourite place, wearing my favourite perfume. I am sure the fragrance of sandalwood and frangipani will linger on much after I am gone. 

N.B:-  These small snippets/ stories are being written by me as a part of an online creative writing exercise I am doing. Purely imaginary :)

Thursday, May 4, 2017

End - beginning - End

The strange sounds emanating from the forest did not deter her from walking towards it.  This thought  has been lingering in her mind, the thought of running away  from the madness that her life was. When she thought of the options she had,  the dense forest a couple of miles away from her town is the first place that came to her mind.   What better place than a forest ?? with no human life  around, it is surely going to be a blissful place, so she thought. 

It was about to get dark but she was not worried about the wild animals, she had stopped worrying about herself long back, the day her husband left her for another woman and later when  her only  child was taken away by the authorities citing neglect and torture of the child, that was the day she had ceased existing.  She then turned into some one who had no aim in life except waiting for death to come and hold her hands.

Walking through the dense forest, dazed and devoid of any senses except for excruciating pain she felt in her heart for her child, she did not see, hear or feel anything at all. The glow worms were buzzing around, suddenly she was aware of the danger she was in, but by now she was deep inside the forest and it was dark all around, except the moonlight seeping into the forest through the knitted branches of the humongous trees which looked like giant ghost silhouettes.

A few meters away, there were a pair of glowing eyes , searching for food...she had only one aim,to feed her children, she was not bothered about her partner having walked  away  as soon as the cubs were born or that she had to struggle to find food for herself to survive and for her cubs to grow up strong and skilled hunters.

Walking stealthily towards a strong, strange scent she did not know that soon she  was about to release a hapless soul into oblivion and peace ,  also that  she herself  was about to venture into a dangerous path and taste which would  drive her out of the forest, eventually  into her own peace, release and oblivion...