The Balancing Act

Some threads old, dwindle in size gets entangled, instead of sewing, it just shreds Some paths familiar, grows weeds, gets lonely, instead of leading, it just stops Some places warm, becomes damp, gets moldy, instead of giving peace, it just haunts Some bonds strong, weakens with time, gets distant, instead of being real it just fakes

Here I am, after a long, long time.  Last year I made the resolution to write a lot more this year but I ended up writing almost nothing on my blog.  In fact I am stuck by a very big block in my writing and  I am alarmed at the lack of creativity that I have right now due to which I am unable to complete a piece of work which is so close to my heart.  Anyways, this year has been kind and I am grateful for it.  My entire existence is based on only one word and that is 'Gratitude'. I wish every one who reads this post a wonderful and happy New Year... I know its a bit early for the New Year wish but a wish is a wish isn't it? How does it matter whether New year is here in 15 days or 20 days. Have a blessed and great year ahead, and be healthy and safe all of you and your families.

Finally I lay down my arms, my hopes on you Succumbing to you, you and you To your incessant , consistent lethargy To your incessant, persistent poisonous political strategy To your incessant, continuous feigning ignorance I am tired of fighting every day Feeding positivity to my brain Pulling and pushing myself in every which way With hope, with tears and with disdain Let me shiver in chilling silences See nothing in midst of dramas, concealed Not read anything between the sly glances with hatred and numbness concreted Pledging a long weary walk Trudging along till the end of the page Mumbling dreary self-talk Looking at disheveled image, inside a cage Finally I lay down my arms, my hopes on you

Sitting on a rocking chair, staring away on to the faraway horizon, wilting away from this life... Every day, buckling a very thin belt of patience over and over my self, still failing, fumbling and losing it eventually. Trying out the outfit of a perfect mother, every day, each day and by the time night falls stumbling on it's tattered seams, a dozen times, falling miserably bruising and hurting standing up again and again..  till the end... Sitting on a rocking chair looking at the empty nest I might cry my heart out counting each of the missed opportunity each hug, each kiss each word that went unnoticed, unheard Having all the time in the world But no children to hold I might then melt away from this life just like that carrying the burden of guilt on my soul the burden unfazed, unmoved stubbornly smothering me till my last breath till the end....

 My eyes will always look for you It will well up at every thought of you I will be around but may be you will not see me  hugs which I never gave you when I should have I will be carrying those around with warmth Do remember me , but don't pine for me because I don't deserve to be I was never there to listen , to love I was running behind nothing yes those fees were paid, the dishes prepared but what about love, hugs and those untold stories My eyes will well up, wander and then wither away you be strong, be the pillars of strength be there, exchange those love , those hugs remember me, but do not pine for me because I don't deserve to be Imagine that I am at that place, where I always was and yet did not matter to any one just running.. morning to evening and then  one day ran into oblivion.... Don't pine for me because I don't deserve to be....

pour it out on the blank space let the hurt , the pain  unmask the happy face gather courage lurking in the corner let the darkest, deepest fear take strong shapes sooner into words that sear reach out and open up let deep feelings  drench  from the wells pent  up cascading into an avalanche Pour it out on the blank space let the words, the sorrow unmask the happy face....

Many moons ago Whether spring or snow Eyes waxed eloquent Lips remained silent Breaths tangled Fell and climbed Throes of emotions Hearts connotations Hands held softly Yet gripped so firmly Scared of loss Of unwritten laws. Longed lovely moonlit nights Gazing at lantern kites Sneaked in poems in solitude sleepless   nights counting stars multitude.. time slips in stories galore twining hearts becomes folklore like embers of coal like heart without   soul like a lone, barren afternoon like a waning crescent moon ..............

I treaded on clouds with long flowing locks happy feet among the crowds eyes dreamy  heart aching on it blue and crimson welts rising I saw a smile it crushed my soul to die in love languidly I pined all the while followed the soul tied it to me with all my might I carried it around thinking its mine It belonged to me, no more than the moon to the tide Though it danced with the moon  the tide forever remained loyal to the Sea Smothering it with all my selfish love I made it just like me, no more silent, no more subtle soon enough.. it lashed upon me like the crashing , massive tide crushing me and my imposing soul it snatched off my imaginary peace unshackling the tendrils , the flowing locks, crushing the happy feet took away the embalming on the welts making it rise once again crimson and blue and soaring and burning not having the courage or the strength, ridden by guilt of ruining a smile I will lie down, tongue tied as a penance to a soul