Monday, July 27, 2009

Wet Drops

Rising tides washed away the sands,
Stretching out on the cold sea shore
Pale moonlight danced on silky hairstrands
Weaving life and dreams galore

A sprinkling of stars on the vast skies,
Ushered the cool wind carrying wet drops
Falling on to the embrace on the horizon,
Of the sky , the sea and the orange sun

Clouds cluttered and gathered might,
slithering on to the vast skies
brimming with winds and the rains
Then lifted the heart ,on to a shimmering , loving , long night

Monday, July 20, 2009

invisible wound

The void has been deepening and widening and silence getting resonant. The abrasion is deepening taking the form of a wound. The lullabies and the study time, the hoards of secrets , unending heart to heart talk and the strong and supporting hand , everything has turned into the fading pale pages of past. Even relationships saturate and younger ones replace you in the family ! this never crossed the mind, such thoughts never occurred, was never prepared. The cocoon of warmth , the comfort of an advise , a shoulder to cry on.. has all of this been taken away .. slowly but surely.. yes. It is really difficult learning the lessons of life… but here also you are my teacher.. making me understand in your own unique way.. that I do not matter…not any more !!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Being anonymous…it’s fun.. its scary .. Only fellow bloggers and people who happen to read my blogs are the ones who are aware that I am a blogger…no body not my husband, not my mother, not my best friends know that I am doing this. They do not know that I am writing to the world my deepest darkest secrets.. my fears.. my feelings …sometimes I feel guilty and want to tell them. But then I do not know how they would react.. my husband starts fuming if I surf for anything apart from foodblogs.. especially ‘orkut’ irritates him to no end. I have also become sick of ‘Orkut’ in some ways.. people have started using it for flaunting.. show off… getting equal with others and what not.. I am sure it has its good side also like it has helped us to get back to some long lost good friends from College and School .. but I think some of the feelings of my hubby dear has rubbed on to me .

I have sort of become obsessed of being a blogger… while going back home from office in the chartered bus when I see so many people girls.. sitting seriously or chatting away I sometimes wonder.. how many of them might be blogging…;) ??? Does the blogger has to have a particular look, I don’t think so.. from a simpleton to a modern one any body can blog… Orkut., facebook, twitter, I feel all this had been been overexposed but blogging is so different.. it seems as if we are in the midst of a set of people whom we might have never met, but who seems to have identical thoughts, identical experiences and above all their empathising with your feelings gives a totally different meaning to communication… so blogging is a boon, to be able to write and feel and then to find people acknowledging you and your feelings… I would forever remain a blogger… …at least that’s what I feel now 

Courtesy : Inspiration – Deeps blog on ‘How do you do it ?’

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Long lost friendship..

It’s over ten years since I have met you. But I have never forgotten you, your name comes up in my thought often, when I was blessed with my first baby I wished I could meet you, how you would react seeing your crazy friend in her maternity clothes nursing a sweet little baby with care and poise, I remembered how I used to insist to you that I would deliver a baby only if you becomes my Gynae.

I missed you all the time when I spent years without having a single soul in the name of friend, I was going through a very bad phase in life and needed to blurt out everything so badly, so many time my hands reached for the inland letter which we used to exchange over 5 years when I was pursuing my graduation, then Diploma and went on to work and meanwhile you were slogging hard to complete your MBBS course and finally got the title of ‘Dr. ‘ prefixed to your name.

I missed you whenever I saw two girls giggling away on a bus, on the street or just roaming around the market… I missed all our nights together which we used to spend mostly at your place when u used to visit Delhi in between your MBBS , how we used to keep awake all night whispering , laughing and generally gossiping about friends, relatives, neighbours etc. I feel so sad, and a pain goes through my heart when I feel what I have lost just because of a misunderstanding, which I thought would never ever occur between you and me… but it happened…

I had the hope of nurturing our friendship back to what it was when you finally turned up on my marriage, though I had thought you would not, but your displeasure and disinterest was obvious and apparent by the way you had dressed in gray , drab clothing you had worn to my marriage and whereas we had always planned to look the best on each other’s marriage .. you hardly smiled but I as usual yapped away to you.. you did not respond… and that was the last day we met.

Its been 10 years since my marriage, after two kids and lots of hardships in life, lots of maturity gained in the process but I lost the very very important thing in my life and that is my friendship to you. Till today I have kept a tab on you knowingly or unknowingly.. I blessed you in my heart when I heard about your marriage to the same guy about whom you and I have discussed day in and day out … I was so emotional when I came to know you were blessed with a daughter… many times I thought of calling you up.. writing to you. But then I had no contact.. even your mother stopped calling up my mother…t he after effect of our broken friendship…

Dearest friend wherever you are I wish you all the very best in life .. today .. tomorrow and always……..

Me.. chicken.. me

I have been going through a lot of blogs recently and I must say I have chickened out after seeing the quality of writing in all these blogs. It’s not as if I was critically analyzing them nor am I an authority on anybody’s writing prowess but it’s the amazing simplicity, sincerity, humor ( its just too good), the ability to laugh at yourself and the ability to touch the heart of those who read your blogs which makes these blogs really awesome. Hats off to all you women, some of whom I have noticed are home makers which means that they always have something or the other to look after, to set right etc. but they are still pursuing their interest, taking time out for themselves, to pour their heart out and hats off to them too who are working and who are constantly hard pressed for time yet they are taking time out to connect to the world, to their friends and more importantly to themselves. I also came across some male writers who were really striking with their writing, their ability to strike a chord, their perspective, everything is really wonderful.

Now.. now let me tell you why I chickened out, I felt I was not even half as good as anybody whom I have read and enjoyed, but then I realize that blogging is not about being perfect or being good with words, but its all about pouring yourself as you are on to the virtual world right from your heart, right from your soul, no pretence, no put on . And I think these are exactly the reason for those heavy traffic on all these blogs and the kind of response they generate.

Unpretentious blogging is like pouring your heart out to your best friend… So from being a chicken I have decided to be back to myself and start blogging with renewed vigour and valour.

Hats off to all bloggers… all you guys are JUST GREAT.. thanks for the inspiration !!!!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Usually I don’t get time to go through the newspapers in the morning, because mornings are the most chaotic time at my house.. no time.. no time…no time, but today I managed to take a passing look at the front page, and since then I am down and out… I am angry, upset and very sad… There were two news items which contributed to my state of mind. One is the news which says that a young woman who seems to have been a victim of hit and run accident case and who had already died, her body had been run over several times by many vehicles on a busy Delhi –UP road , her body was so much mutilated by all this that the police had to pick up her body parts from several places in pieces … while I read this news I could not believe my eyes that Delhites have become so ruthless, they have lost their soul and heart and humanity … this is how they treated a fellow human being… she died the death of a street dog… which we see everyday on busy roads… I could not fathom the depth of numbness and selfishness of each of those people whose vehicle ran over her again and again and her lifeless body was put to some more torture.. The news also says that there lay a cement sack at the place near to her mutilated body,which contained a few rupees, some coins and a blue kurti… that means may be she was a desolate woman, may be she belonged to the poor section of society .. but is it a criterion for getting help when a person is dying or is it a criterion for showing respect and some humanity to a dead body of a human being…??? does it mean people would have stopped and did something or at least inform a PCR if she was well dressed and carrying a leather bag… what is it ???… where have we lost it.???. where are we heading to ???…I am clueless and scared and totally upset to whatever is going wrong with all of us…. God save the mankind….

Another story which caught my attention was the news of a lady Doctor in a reputed hospital in Delhi, she checked into a decent hotel in North Delhi along with her four year old twin daughters, she later bought some medicines, called up her husband to inform that she is in this hotel and going to kill herself and her daughters, she then injected some poison to both her daughters and then on herself, her daughters died and she is now battling for life at a hospital in Delhi.. by the time her husband , himself a doctor, reached the hospital .. they had lost their daughters…. I know you must have heard this kind of news many time but I was aghast after reading this because this involved a lady Doctor, who belonged to family of Doctors, her husband also belonged to a family of Doctors which meant they were well educated, upper class people who it seems had everything going for them in life. I do not know the reason she did it, if she survives would she be able to survive actually? wont the innocent faces of her daughters’ haunt her for life?? Even if the issue was a grave one for which she took this extreme step, why she did not talk to anybody and try and solve it before taking the life of two little children? Why did she not confess even to her parents or husband or some friend or some helpline??.. I do not know the reason but it could be an extra marital affair of her husband, her own, or is it that someone pestered her for having only daughters .. this blame game is prevalent in even the highest upper class families… I do not know… but I can’t bring my self to work peacefully , to eat my breakfast properly.. I just hope she does not survive.. may be that’s a cruel thought from me but as a mother I feel she would die a thousand deaths daily if she survives.. because whatever the reasons for which she took the life of her children would seem too ordinary for the extraordinary pain which she would have to endure every day when she would have to live without her children around!!! GOD Bless the departed soul of her children…..and give her the strength to bear the loss……

...and May God rehabilitate mankind soon…very .. very soon…
Colours of passion

Sometime ago a splash of red on the pristine white
turned the Cool blue breeze into a wild storm

Turmoils on the warm brown hearth gave way to sprouting purple wings to paradise
Unyielding emotions ran riot yearning to sail towards the unknown

A flashing glimpse of strangeness, yet so familiar,
Promised to sweep away towards an enchanting island

Colours of vibrant hue speckled with exotic scents
gave way to a moment of sinful ecstasy

a gushing wave of guilt washed off the moment freezed on the horizon
and brought back to the pristine white ,
to the warm embrace of yore, to today and forever till eternity…

right from my heart