The Balancing Act

 A couple of days ago I started writing the customary New year post.  I could not finish it because what I went through in 2021 is equivalent to a life time of experience. I just could not complete what I started , I choked with emotions twice in between, then I thought let this be in my drafts post, I do not want to put this energy out on the internet and does not want it to vibrate.   May be I am not making any sense, well, understandably so.  All I can say to sum up this year is I am grateful that I am alive and my family is alive and is healthy.  With the covid cases again surging all around , I am scared beyond words and I just pray earnestly and whole heartedly to God Almighty to get all of us out from this terrible, terrible times of our life. I wish all of you, all the humans out there, every one who reads this or not to be blessed with good health and happiness in the coming year and beyond.  Let us be just grateful for being alive and being in good health, let us be grateful

 some fragrant flowers are pressed in the pages of my scrapbook once in a while I look at it with my inner eyes not having the courage to touch it with my hands whilst the dust soils my heart those mesmerizing days had left a trail of stardust for few moments it lit  my pathways with rose gold the flutter of butterflies inside me flew around my sweet smelling straight dark hair only to fly out and never come back these dreams that seems unreal that may not have been mine either rainbow orbs danced in front of me without the promise to belong  just to look, feel and yearn now as the clock turns and tires a dark cave with a blue river outside snowclad mountains and rolling pastures and a sprawling view of loneliness blinded by a  sheet of misty rain stitches the edges of my lingering pain the numbness spreads everywhere even to the fingertips, slowly smiling at sleep the ever eluding enigma come dance with me one last time sit with me and let us pretend the clock never moved the clouds j

Tip toing back to life, amidst  clouds ,birdsongs and trees. Pushing  to stand tall  on the pile of strive, drowning in  rivers that no one sees. walking on lonely pathways strewn with salt. Wounds cut deep with sharp knife, with jabs of pain that do not  halt.  The silent slivers of chaotic yore  tremble  at the pulsating core. pitter patter of shimmering shy rain and peeping pale moon soothes the pain, guiding  to glance at the sparkles of gold, to embrace  high heat and the  biting cold.  while pages of life  keep fluttering away,  fumble  or fly but catch up along the way.          

Eyes wander up till the edge of the path, beyond the forest , beyond your wrath. lips frozen with screams and whispers, under the river, beyond your desires. ears strain for gallop of peace, from afar,  beyond your space. keeping aside a day for me, you fake all the love all the glee. Just gather some respect, gather some care, beyond your darkness, beyond your core like glowworms on a dark night, rejoice our being, our kindred light. Just let us be born,  live  life and laugh, Just let us be.... Just let us be...

For me , it is easier to write poems because in few lines I am able to say a lot.  Many times the poem may not be what it actually looks like, it might be having a totally different meaning than what it actually gives out.  In some way we are all like poems aren't we?? projecting our life in such a way that it actually does not have any similarity to the life we are living every day but at the same time it puts a beautiful matching garb over it expertly. Now not every one is a poet but we all carry some sort of poetry in our life.  Just like a poem gives out it's apparent meaning in it's  stanzas through imagery or alliteration we give out  our entire life story through our body language, our expressions, our social media accounts.  Now a days these are the nuances based on which people assume about our life.  The better photos I have, the happier posts I put up, happier my life looks. So easy! During my college days when as a Literature student I had to study a lot of Gree

 when waves crashes on to the shore white, stark  memories soar when deep orange  sun seeps into oceans lap aching  grey thoughts deepens its clasp when lonely shadows glide in glistening sands heart bleeds on shards of    piercing glass when stars adorn deep blue night skies faded flowers in  dusty  pages silently cries  when dawn peers through the arched window panes streaming  tears leaves salty soulful stains when waves crashes on to the shore white, stark memories soar...

Seeping through the leaves, and the jumbled fragrance of  rose apple tree a slice of sunlight dwindled to escape as a mishmash of colours at the far end of the courtyard , whimpering to wail whilst slipping on to the brass urli, falling on to the blue water lily lying leisurely , fumbling to forget  the tight clasp of brown mud that she left behind on the gullible , green water bouncing off it, the light tumbled down bit farther on to the shadow with  black hair bursting out of grey roots longing to go dowdy. to cup the face.. uncouth, invisible till the dark circles jumped, cut the light into pieces, like a prism  only not sparkling rays, but fistful of  salt and rock pooled around it....  crinkled, cracked then vanished through the travails of a muffled stain

I am short of words they only sear me like swords tumbling down from others they only just smothers I am heavy with emotions  only tears steer them in motion crumbling all my achievements  to only appear as sorrowful bereavements I am devoid  of any will   the only way left is to kill only desire is to lay to rest this weary body and soul to its final nest