Wednesday, December 30, 2009

New Year Resolutions - Not as usual

Like everybody else around I am also busy in making New Year resolutions. I do not want to sound as if I am writing this for an audience. I am no longer in a mood to do things for an audience or for relatives, friends etc. For the last two years I have been absorbing many shocks, some of them where given by very good neighbours turned friends, finally turned stoic and now out of my life for good, this was in 2008, then dawned 2009 baring a few more bitter truths when very rock solid relations shriveled and was blown away by the winds of rough times. I was stunned to see it falling to dust and gone for good, only remains are some formalities and courtesies. Then came a stage when I replaced these relations with some new ones but I can sense something amiss. So I thought and thought and have now come to a conclusion that after all it is not possible that they were all wrong, it seems it was me who was wrong all the time. I could pin point with all my wisdom gathered about me that what broke the back every time was my, rather our, expectation all the time. So my New Year resolutions are……………….

1. Not to expect anything from any body, be it a friend, a relative, a colleague, a subordinate, my family, my spouse, my children. Not to expect reciprocation of feelings, gestures, goodwill, love , liking, respect, gifts, good wishes, emails , letters, cash, kind, good , bad or anything which I am forgetting to mention here.

2. To give priority to my husband, my children and my parents and my in laws and to my God above all, above everyone and above everything in this world.

3. To try and keep amicable relations with everyone, may be I have to grin and bear but then yes I have to, I have to, I have to.

4. To listen more and talk less, listen patiently and talk less, listen and only listen and stop the urge to react, over react, cut and dry.

5. To talk less, yes I have started admiring those people who have the talent to keep shut even in very adverse situations, I salute their ability to control their urge to lash out and keep their tongue on leash.

6. To respect all the relations irrespective of whether they do things as per our liking, they have liking for someone else, their affinity to something which we do not have affinity to. Only respect, it is not necessary that I have to keep on loving them, crying for them, cry because they do not behave the same way they used to etc. etc.

In hope of abiding by each one of them.. hoping and hoping..

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Under the bottle brushed trees

Dripping wet till its willowy bend,
Rippling circles on sparkling surface
Rain came pouring down
I saw a happy leaf talking to a gurgling stream
I smelled the soothing fragrance of rain
falling on to yearning earth
the sound of birds chirping away
and the sight of wild flowers lay strewn
under the bottle brushed trees
amidst dark clouds and gleaming lightning
squirrels scurried over to the hole in the Banyan tree
And I lay curled on a soft rug
warmed by the ambers in the Victorian fire place,
looking through the French window,
at the wet wild flowers
strewn under the bottle brushed trees

Monday, December 7, 2009

The year that was

This year ,life was like that of a cliff hanger, well it still is, this has been the most uncertain year that ever could be. For more than a few months life is hanging in midair refusing to fly high or touch ground. May be this is exactly the reason that this year in many ways has been an eye opener, showing us the mirror and baring the truth, it took off the beautiful wrapping paper and showed us the real contents inside. Inspite of the uncertainties that it brought, this year also taught us some important lessons.

This year, more than once I found this thought at the back of my mind like a wall paper, that, our life is like a bubble, it may burst any time and till the time we have colours of rainbow reflecting from it and we are floating around in the horizon, everything is just fine, but it could be that we might just go pop in a matter of seconds.

I do not know why this thought keeps on recurring in my mind, may be there is something to learn from it, may be it is giving me the message to be patient, to listen more and if not able to forgive, at least to make me forget. I do not know , may be.

I am happy to reach the fag end of this year, just hoping to find lots to cherish round the corner. I Just want to dilute the bitterness with the sweet fragrance of freshly baked Christmas cakes, and the soulful spirit of the pious festival in the air. Just hoping to pick up some threads which snapped off midway, and to live and let live, hoping to see the new year show its bright face and light up all of us, our lives, with hope and cheer.