Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Happy birthday dear friend - one more story ( Blog marathon post no. 4)

This is a post which I had been writing in my mind on this day, June 30th of every year since the last 15 years or so.  Today is the birthday of my best friend with whom I had lost touch long ago.. again it is a story in which I was the culprit, it was the result of my immaturity and how I handled the situation, this was also around the time of my mid twenties. 

This is about how I lost my best friend since childhood to circumstances and wrong decisions and misunderstandings. Both of us studied in the same class from 5th standard till 10th then she went on to take the science stream and then Medicine and became the Doctor which she always wanted to be, during all those years we were together, even when she shifted from Delhi to Kerala to do her MBBS, we kept in touch through letters and occasional phone calls (mobiles and whatsapp were not in the scene those days), it was her letters which gave me great solace during some turbulent times in my life, similarly I was there for all the ups and downs in her life.  Whenever she came to Delhi on vacations we made sure to spend as much time as possible together, we in fact camped up in each others house, talking, talking and talking our hearts out into the wee hours of morning in whispers lest we get a scolding from our parents. 

When I went to Kerala during vacations I also made sure to invite her to our home in Kerala or go and fetch her from her hostel and spend some time together.  It was a friendship which could have never ever gone wrong but for one incident which made everything go haywire, a tragic incident happened in her family wherein her close relative was involved, it was an unfathomable kind of situation for all of us, especially her parents who were heart broken, even she clammed up into a shell, not ready to communicate with any one.  My biggest mistake was that during this time, I did not go and meet her or try to be with her, my thinking was that it will hurt her more if like everybody else around (friends and relatives who bothered them and cooked up stories around the incident) I also should not be bothering her and her family , I thought that may be my presence shall be taken as intrusion. By the time I thought it through and gathered the courage to meet her, the deed was already done. When I went to meet her she did not come out, and finally when she did, she did not talk to me properly, it was very clear that she had misunderstood my silence and our umbilical chord was cut forever.  I was devastated, I tried time and again to speak to her, I wrote letters to her to which she never replied.  

Then came my marriage, about which we have had talked and discussed and made plans since the last so many years, all the shopping in which I longed for  her presence was done without her, all the apprehensions which I had to share with her remained shut within my  heart, the only  good thing was that  she attended my wedding but she came in clothes which spoke volumes about her disinterest in the entire thing. She did not wait to have food, she  and her Mother sat in a corner and seemed least involved in anything happening around them. That was the last I saw her, after that I never saw her, only heard that she got married to her long time beau, me and my family were not informed or invited, I cam to know that she had joined a well known hospital in Kerala after her MBBS and PG.I was very happy for all good things happening in her life.

I never had any ill feeling towards her, my only sorrow was that she misunderstood me so much that she cut me off completely , she never gave me a chance to explain my self.   I always thought about her, always wished well for her and was always happy for all the achievements she had in her life. 

A few years back I searched high and low for her contact and was finally able to trace her phone number and email id through the hospital in Kerala where she was working, I sent her a long email stating my side of the story, stating I am sorry, stating I am still waiting for her to talk to me, but she did not reply, I called her up she hung up the phone after one or two monosyllables thus making it very  clear that she did not want to have any thing to do with me, even after that I kept on sending birthday wishes to her, she never reverted, then  a few years down the line her number got changed, I could not find it again and then finally I  reluctantly gave up the  journey to get  my best friend back.

Till date, she remains in my thoughts, my wishes goes out to her every year on her birthday, I just hope that in this life time I get to meet her once and hug her hard and say sorry for having hurt her so badly but totally unintentionally.  I hope she would forgive me one day. 

Till then.. waiting ....

Once again  wishing you a very happy birthday and many many happy returns of the day. Miss you badly......

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

One chapter from my life story ...... (Blog Marathon post no. 3)

Every body has a story to tell, each one of us is living a story, our life story.  These  stories like any other is full of sunshine and clouds, valleys and mountains and glory and gloom and through this myriad colours of life we learn the lessons of life, like the stories which our parents used to tell us with a moral to it, every life story has a moral at the end, sometimes we learn the moral of the story soon enough or sometimes only others see and learn the moral where as we the Hero or Heroine of the story just keeps on living it, oblivious to the drama that is being created by us.  Today I want to tell a part of my life story, it is not to derive any lesson or moral from it, it is in fact, just a sort of introspection, questions to my self, as  I am trying to find the answers and trying to check if it is the right lesson that I have learnt from it or I have got it all wrong. 

Many years ago I had a fight with one of my friends, a very dear and best friend, and the fight was a very silly one, we were both coming back from an outing ( we were both around 20 years old ) and on the way we got into a banter as to who will go to whose house today, she wanted to me to go to her house and I wanted her to come to my house, so the banter turned to argument the argument got heated and on the middle of the road just like that we parted ways, she went her way and I went mine… she is also a distant relative of mine, we were studying in adjacent colleges, in same course, our parents and relatives crossed each others path almost daily.  

But all said and done, we did not reach out to each other immediately, the silence from both of us grew into days, into years and it hung heavily between us, it turned into ego issue and we did not call each other on our marriages, we did not talk to each other even if we crossed path (which happened rarely because due to prior information regarding the other ‘s presence we could avoid each other easily)… so time flew by and a very good common friend of ours played a pivotal role and made us meet each other and drop the ego and embrace each other, but by the time 9 years had passed, she was a mother so was I , she was a woman with a family, a house to run, husband , children and in-laws to look after so was I.  We got back to each other as if nothing happened, we became thick friends, we are so till date.. but I realized that I lost out on precious friendship for so long.. just because I was adamant and egoistic.. the day when I met her after 9 years is perfectly etched in my memory and I distinctly remember something which I felt that day, it was humbleness and relief of letting go off a heavy ego from my chest.

But the story does not end here, I have had  series of such happenings in my life, I had an altercation with one of my closest, mother like , bestest friend  of my life and ended up not speaking to her for 5 years, it was the worst 5 years of my life, my whole clan stopped talking to me, I was isolated and alone and was guilty to the core, this changed me, made me realise that some words spewed out on the heat of the moment can do so much damage, our ego and aggressiveness , our rude  words does not get us any where, it can only break us sooner or later.  

The more we forgive the more we grow in life and attain peace of mind, the more we are surrounded with our loved ones, those who are precious to us and those who care, the  more we thrive.  

Now I make a genuine effort not to let things affect me, even now such things happen in my family and with my friends and relatives where  I see things which I do not like or are not according to my way of doing it,  but now I have learned to let go and rise above such things. It is important to know that it is not necessary that if we are friends or relatives or are close to each other we will like and agree everything about each other, we may disagree, we may be upset but not at the cost of a valuable friendship and  a relationship close to our heart, these are like the pillars of our life, we need it to live a fuller, happier and content life. It is important to compromise a bit, adjust a lot, ignore certain things, laugh off the hurts so that we are blessed with friends and relatives and family  who are there for us and for whom we are there for life. 

This is not the end of the story.. there are other chapters which I will come to in due course of time till then let me be happy with the changes I have brought in myself.. I am proud of it.. but I know I still have a long way to go……………..

Monday, June 27, 2016

Underneath the gulmohur tree ( blog marathon post no. 2 - poem)

Underneath the Gulmohur Tree
picture courtesy : raxacollective blog

Flowers that bloomed scattered scarlet on the ground,

Falling on to yellowish brown leaves with murmuring sound

Spiraling poison ivy hugged the bare brown trunk

Branches heavy with blooming flowers  seemed to sunk,

On to the adjacent willowy branch about to bloom,

Wiping out from her buds the traces of gloom

Sitting underneath the gulmohur tree,

My heart galloped in glee

Taking a pause to breath in the fragrance of rain on earth,

All I could think of was the warmth of my hearth 

The heart longed to embrace life forever,

Not letting go of it ever

To stop the Clock ticking away,

To arrest the glow fading away,

To keep walking on the winding pathway,

Or to lie under the gulmohur tree even after the sun sets far away…… 

Blog Marathon post no. 1 - An ode to my writing inspiration and celebrated author Ms. Preeti Shenoy

So... this place has been ignored for quite a while and I have been trying hard to get over the 'writers' block' which has gripped me quite badly for a while now. So in order to challenge my self to get over this so called 'block' and also to do more frequently what I love doing.. writing that is... (apart from reading ofcourse) I am starting this Blog Marathon and hope to stick by it and complete this without fail and any gaps in between by July 27th... so all the best to me and here I am with my first post...
I have to admit here that I am hugely inspired by Preeti Shenoy, the best selling author of books like 'The one you can not have', ' The secret wishlist' etc.,  hats off to her, she has been blogging also  for almost 10 years and I have been her reader almost the same number of years, I saw her transforming into a brilliant and celebrated writer, I have read her books and loved it to bits, her books are simple, sincere and has a quality to win you over with it's absolute charm. 

So  as I was saying Ms. Shenoy, inspite of being a busy and celebrated writer who has 7 absolutely beautiful pieces of literature under her belt, who is also a column writer and a Mom of two and a Yoga enthusiast takes out time out of her super busy schedule to keep her blog updated,  she challenges her self often to write a blog marathon on her blog and then she writes every single day,  where in I am sure she has enough assignments and novel (s) going on in  her head for her next successful venture, but nothing stops her from being deterred from her commitment everytime she does a blog Marathon, and I am awe inspired by that.

She is my inspiration for writing and I am going to try, even if I fail, I am going to try and fail , I am not going to give up  without trying every single day... though she needs no introduction here I am giving this link to her blog which is a suuper inspiring place... thanks Preeti for being an inspiration to people like me... who slog day in and day out in a Corporate corner and our hobbies and talent languish under the daily monotony and fatigue..
Also I am so honoured and happy to share here that long time back Preeti had graced by blog and commented on one of poems here, and her comment, I treasure till date...
So see you tomorrow, till then.. here is my first Marathon blogpost.....