Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Happy birthday dear friend - one more story ( Blog marathon post no. 4)

This is a post which I had been writing in my mind on this day, June 30th of every year since the last 15 years or so.  Today is the birthday of my best friend with whom I had lost touch long ago.. again it is a story in which I was the culprit, it was the result of my immaturity and how I handled the situation, this was also around the time of my mid twenties. 

This is about how I lost my best friend since childhood to circumstances and wrong decisions and misunderstandings. Both of us studied in the same class from 5th standard till 10th then she went on to take the science stream and then Medicine and became the Doctor which she always wanted to be, during all those years we were together, even when she shifted from Delhi to Kerala to do her MBBS, we kept in touch through letters and occasional phone calls (mobiles and whatsapp were not in the scene those days), it was her letters which gave me great solace during some turbulent times in my life, similarly I was there for all the ups and downs in her life.  Whenever she came to Delhi on vacations we made sure to spend as much time as possible together, we in fact camped up in each others house, talking, talking and talking our hearts out into the wee hours of morning in whispers lest we get a scolding from our parents. 

When I went to Kerala during vacations I also made sure to invite her to our home in Kerala or go and fetch her from her hostel and spend some time together.  It was a friendship which could have never ever gone wrong but for one incident which made everything go haywire, a tragic incident happened in her family wherein her close relative was involved, it was an unfathomable kind of situation for all of us, especially her parents who were heart broken, even she clammed up into a shell, not ready to communicate with any one.  My biggest mistake was that during this time, I did not go and meet her or try to be with her, my thinking was that it will hurt her more if like everybody else around (friends and relatives who bothered them and cooked up stories around the incident) I also should not be bothering her and her family , I thought that may be my presence shall be taken as intrusion. By the time I thought it through and gathered the courage to meet her, the deed was already done. When I went to meet her she did not come out, and finally when she did, she did not talk to me properly, it was very clear that she had misunderstood my silence and our umbilical chord was cut forever.  I was devastated, I tried time and again to speak to her, I wrote letters to her to which she never replied.  

Then came my marriage, about which we have had talked and discussed and made plans since the last so many years, all the shopping in which I longed for  her presence was done without her, all the apprehensions which I had to share with her remained shut within my  heart, the only  good thing was that  she attended my wedding but she came in clothes which spoke volumes about her disinterest in the entire thing. She did not wait to have food, she  and her Mother sat in a corner and seemed least involved in anything happening around them. That was the last I saw her, after that I never saw her, only heard that she got married to her long time beau, me and my family were not informed or invited, I cam to know that she had joined a well known hospital in Kerala after her MBBS and PG.I was very happy for all good things happening in her life.

I never had any ill feeling towards her, my only sorrow was that she misunderstood me so much that she cut me off completely , she never gave me a chance to explain my self.   I always thought about her, always wished well for her and was always happy for all the achievements she had in her life. 

A few years back I searched high and low for her contact and was finally able to trace her phone number and email id through the hospital in Kerala where she was working, I sent her a long email stating my side of the story, stating I am sorry, stating I am still waiting for her to talk to me, but she did not reply, I called her up she hung up the phone after one or two monosyllables thus making it very  clear that she did not want to have any thing to do with me, even after that I kept on sending birthday wishes to her, she never reverted, then  a few years down the line her number got changed, I could not find it again and then finally I  reluctantly gave up the  journey to get  my best friend back.

Till date, she remains in my thoughts, my wishes goes out to her every year on her birthday, I just hope that in this life time I get to meet her once and hug her hard and say sorry for having hurt her so badly but totally unintentionally.  I hope she would forgive me one day. 

Till then.. waiting ....

Once again  wishing you a very happy birthday and many many happy returns of the day. Miss you badly......

7 comments:

  1. The most important thing is you seemed to have tried your level best. keep her safe in your prayers as you are doing right now and one day, we all can hope, the storm clouds would clear and she may understand your circumstances too.

    just an afterthought, it could be a deliberate move of your friend to cut herself away from everything and everyone around the bad incident so she can cope in her life as well. we really do not know...and if she needs that as a solace, to live peacefully, you as a friend may have to oblige.

    The yearning in you makes me feel like reaching out with a hug. and here is a large hug sent your way :-)

    Leave it all to the almighty who sees through all of us. and you Take care.

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  2. Vincy, your comment made me tear up, yes I also have thought so , may be this is what she wants and therefore I abandoned my reaching out journey. You do not know how much soothing it is to hear that I tried my level best, I was may be yearning to hear it that I have tried so much and then gave up feeling that this if this is what makes her happy, so shall it be. Thanks Vincy, and sincerely these are not hollow words from me.. I am really touched with this comment and thanks for that much needed hug. take care and thanks for being there...

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  3. Di, I completely understand you having been through a similar relationship. In my case, I was informed by a common friend that my best friend was cooking up I'll stories about my character. Worst of all, I happened to see few of her emails to this common friend where she was bitching about me. I confronted. She denied. Though I can never get rid of all those, I still went ahead and met her at her current place of residence. But I guess, the relationship will never be the same again. I lost two good friends in one shot. I am sure you'll definitely get a chance to explain yourself and revive the friendship. But I don't think it will ever be the same again. Big tight hugs!

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  4. Hi Rekha, Thanks for the hugs. I know how painful it can be when the one whom you trust breaks it. Yes.. I am also hopeful may be one day everything will fall in place and I will get to hug and make up with my friend.
    thanks for dropping by
    take care

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  5. This was a very emotional post for me to read because I have gone through something similar in my life before. I can understand the pain, the anger, the resentment that you must be going through each and everyday. It is very difficult to go through life knowing that your 'soul sister' is no longer in touch with you. I am not sure why she has totally cut contact from you. At least, you have tried immensely to speak to her, meet her and try to build the friendship from the beginning. I am unable to understand why she is not trying even 1%. That is why life is so unpredictable. One day we have everything and then one day it vanishes into thin air. Do not worry. I am sure one day - whenever that may be - your friend will realize that you are a true friend who is more like a sister who really really loves you a lot and cherishes your friendship. Hope for the best and do let me know when it happens! Till then, cheer up and smile. You have a lot of fans like us who are here to listen and help you! :-)

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  6. friendships evolve as any other relationships do. You are such a good friend and it could be as Vincy said that your friend may not want any connections to a sad/bad memory. hopefully one day you guys will get together. i love how you have described it all without any ill will. awesome!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks lan for coming up with that positive thought, may be some day I can hope for a reunion ....
      take care

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