Monday, November 21, 2011

The dilemma

I do not know what that Chinese author said about bringing up kids, whether Indians and Chinese parents are strict and self imposing but I know for sure that there is always the age old dilemma for a parent, whether Indian or Chinese, or any other nationality, when she is posed with the age old question ‘Mamma you love me more or her’??.

This is particularly about those parents who have two children whether same gender or not. This question is sure to pop up if not today then tomorrow, irrespective of the age gap between the two children. Like every parent I am also baffled by the question every time this is put in front of me, it grows two hands too large and long to stifle me and shut the life out of me because this is exactly how I used to torment my mother. Well, what goes around, comes around, so in all fairness I have to cringe and bear the question which both my daughters one by one pops to me time and again , and each time, I want to curl up and die, what else??

I have tried to analyse if I really love one child more than the other and I must accept here that though it is not about loving a child more but the younger one definitely gets a more softer and lovey dovey approach than the elder one, the elder one by default, every time has to be right and proper and do the sacrifice and be the patient one just because he or she is elder. No matter what but they will always remain the elder one and no matter what the younger one will always remain the young and naïve and shall be allowed all the concessions just because he or she is younger.

I have seen many homes where the elder child is always at the receiving end but I have not seen many elder children who are the sacrificing, patient type, they all give it back when the right opportunity comes, yes and fair enough ! (see the elder child in me staunchly supports this) . Well , let me quote an exception here, there was a friend of mine who was so caring and so forgiving so soft and and so loving towards her younger sister that I used to feel like a devil with two horns when I was with her and her sister and can you imagine she was younger than me and had such a stream of goodness in her. The guilt which I used to feel for all the bullying I did to my sister or all the complaints and accusations I hurled at my mother was at it’s height when I used to meet this friend of mine, the after effect was that I used to make an extra effort to be nice and good to my sister and mother but this 'extra effort ' was always short lived and as any after effect, it wore off quickly bringing me back to my whining , complaining self.

Well .. I digress.. so I have decided to tell my children to decide on their own about the answer to their question as to whom I love most.. because I am still not clear as to whom my mother loves the most !!!!!(sic)


  1. Arre my brother and I keep teasing our parents- our mother more than father- even today about the same thing...we keep sending them on a guilt trip with our constant 'you love him/her more than me,no??', but have to say, till date we havent been able to get an answer from them :D.

    Thats quite a wise decision you've made about your children:). I'm sure they will grow up to be happy and secure :) On that note a merry christmas and a happy new year to you, S & the girls :)

  2. Hi Deeps, Well that sums it up :) and thanks for the wishes dear... love to nammu and best wishes to you and R

  3. Being an elder can be taxing. I know. But I am thinking how this more love or less love thing crops up in the mind of kids. How they pick up this mathematics? Getting to the root in the individual case might be the answer.