The Balancing Act

It is Onam today. Somehow this Onam is making me nostalgic and emotional, may be because this is the first Onam after my grandmother's demise, so actually we are not celebrating today. I feel a huge hollow inside me, my heart, I feel empty, I feel bad for the long 5 years when I did not call up my grandmother on Onam, I did not go visitng her, did not even call her up to hear her voice on that day.  I lost precious five years and the sixth year when things had normalised I was way too busy with kids, exams and the daily life to take out some time to go visit her.  Today I am overwhelmed by the memories of my childhood, the memories of Onam, memories of sweet fragrances emerging from the kitchen in the quaint little house in a beautiful small town of Kerala.  The special glassware that my grandmother would take out on special occassions like Onam to serve Payasam, first it will be served and plated for the Gods and then us. There are some memories in life which hug y...

Guiltily yours   I am planning to go on a girls night out with the girl gang... and I am like shattering into pieces already from inside.  Every time I look at my daughters I feel guilty, guilty that I shall not be around a whole night and half day and I am actually going to have fun without them around.  I have spent nights out with my friends earlier but I have always had my kids around.  Also I have gone out on official trips many times, for days together, I have felt bad and guilty not to be with them for helping them around but not the guilt in this proportion because I know I am working and they know that too, here I know I am having fun and they know that too. I thought of not telling them about the trip but then the guilt would only double. I feel as if I am really going to do something gigantically unmom like  (er... I know there is no such word) well, I feel bad, and many times I almost dialed my friends number to tell her that I can no...