The Balancing Act

The blood is not thicker than tears, Tears that refuse to flow Confused and desperate Not finding a release Not able to contain the saltiness Not finding a shoulder Not finding enough paper To scribble on the wet woes Not finding a soul No hand on hands No love , no blessings to count on No comfort to hang on to Looking for an opportunity to flow But not able to let go Feeling breathless, clueless But knowing all the while Blood is not thicker than the tears The sad , lonely tears…..

It's been over a month since I last posted here, but my mind is still with that last post, everything around me reminds me every day about the incident. I know the crowds are frequenting Jantar Mantar only once in a while, the hue and cry has died down, but nothing else has changed, I mean, no change, absolutely no change in the eyes that rape you every day, the meanness, the cruelty, the disregard, the insult that these unending eyes unleash on you everyday is seen to be believed. Delhi , my dear Delhi, what  has happened to you, where you always like this?? yes , I think so, I remember some childhood incidents which tells me so, where people did not give any concession to a child but tried to take advantage that the child is female, some unfortunate incident in my close vicinity and the way people dealt with it, people, educated, well educated, well cultured reacting to it really really made me think that it is a herculean task to change our society, it has been trained over th...

The year turned around and gave a whack on our faces, opened our eyes, touched our souls and  brought around a revolution of sorts , I will not forget 2012 and I hope none of us will, especially our Parliamentarians, the custodians of law, the highest authorities of our Country and all the men out there. The year is almost gone but it has given a dull pain in the heart, which refuses to die down, eyes well up everytime I think about the girl whom none of us knew by face or name I have this urge, a strong one to leave Delhi and settle down south, back to the roots, but at the same time I have no idea whether this shall bring safety to me and my family It feels as if a knife is drawn through my chest everytime I think about my daughters venturing out alone in the future I just hope the coming year shall bring about changes in our Country , our systems I hope , wish and pray men will respect women in our Country, especially in the Capital city of Delhi I hop...

Yes, my native place is not Delhi but I am born and brought up in Delhi, and I always felt more of a Delhite than anybody else and I was pretty proud to belong to such a beautiful place, the capital of India, the glorious place, but not any more, I am ashamed, I feel helpless and I am heart broken. I cried reading the newspapers on December 17,2012, I could well imagine the excruciating pain that the gang rape victim must have gone through, as a woman that was my first reaction, I shuddered and my heart felt heavy at the brutalities she was submitted to. The thought that how she and her friend must have felt upon realizing that they are trapped and they shall have to fight it out unsuccessfully weighed down my whole being. I looked at my innocent little daughters and didn’t know whether I shall ever be at peace when they shall grow up and go out for studying or working, infact, I am also apprehensive about sending them to school under such conditions, what with the news of a 3 year o...

Washed away on the sea shore I found your soul  in a seashell I took it up delicately, placed it inside my palm, Looked at it tenderly, you felt so warm, I put you back in the seashell, beside you I sat, waiting for you, to come alive off the shell, I closed my eyes , only inhaling the fragrance of beautiful waves, in unending trance, Then one beautiful moment I felt you, You leaned on to me, your head on my shoulder Your arms around me, I felt blessed , your hands  and mine, Your embrace, your presence, your soul and mine, Now entwined, along a seashore, For ever, forever, for ever

Given below are few wonderful lines written by Mitch Albom from his book 'Have a little faith', I have gone only half way through the book and it's a lovely , soul touching read till now. This little book has given me so much to think about that I plan to read his other books as well. Here are the lines... more to come as and when I finish the book.... "My friends, If we are right with those we love, and we behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of ‘I could have, I should have’. We can sleep in a storm. And when it’s time our goodbyes will be complete". Mitch Albom

My second born, my younger daughter turned five yesterday. Five years just flew by, I remember the very difficult pregnancy, the daily doses of insulin injections,  the day she was born she was almost bluish and how she was kept away from me for three days in the nursery, but still she seemed to be content and on her own. I was a very tired and depressed mother, the biting cold of Delhi winter was not helping much, but I remember distinctly that she did not bother me much, most of the times she was happy with the crowd of people around her, grandmothers, sister, cousins etc. As time passed I observed that she was most happy in the company of her big sis, she looked around when she could not find her sister , when she started crawling, I could see her following big sis everywhere. I never realized when she had started eating on her own, doing her own things, started doing her homework and even talking so much to her sister, father and me. The fact is I never put any eff...