Daughters

I gave birth to my second daughter after going through a lot of struggle with my health, I suffered from gestational diabetes, I was totally upset mentally and physically , diabetes had taken a toll on my body and mind. I was handed over a long list by my doctor, this list contained the names of all the food that ‘I should not have’, unfortunately the diabetes was deducted rather late when I was in the middle of my 7th month and ideally I should have eaten as much as I can, as during the initial four to five months I could not eat any thing much as I had incessant vomiting .

In order to bring the sugar level in the blood under control I was put on a diet of methi seed subji, methi leaf subji, karela and 2 sookhi roti each in the morning, lunch and dinner. The result was that the net weight gain during this pregnancy was 5 kgs !!!. I was not supposed to take any medicine as it could harm my baby so I was advised by the Doctor to take insulin injections everyday. Initially I went to the hospital thrice a day as I had to take the medicine before every meal, then I became an expert in injecting myself with the correct dosage of insulin. !! I was supposed to go for a blood test every alternate day, I used to wait for the results with nervousness and frustration because every report showed that I still had a long way to go before getting the sugar level under control.

As if all of this was not enough, I had another major scare of my life when my doctor advised me to go through the level 2 ultrasound, as a particular component of my blood was high in percentage which could result in giving birth to an abnormal baby , the possibility was 1 in 70. I went through hell, I did not know where to go , what to do, I was at my irritating best, I did not even talk to my husband or mother ,and refused to go for any test with anybody and went alone for all the tests defying everybody. One of my cousins who is very close to me asked me to turn to God, I did , some unknown force inspired me to go for a second opinion with the best Gynecologist in Delhi, she checked upon everything and told me to go for the test once again, she tried to give me comfort by saying that in all possibility it seems to be a wrong blood test report. I went in for the blood test the second time. I wanted to die as going through all this was really painful, but I was concerned about my elder child so I decided to live.

Before the result of the blood test came I had to go through the level 2 ultrasound. Everything went on well, the Doctor who was doing the ultrasound told me that all the parameters showed that ‘ in all probability’ my child was absolutely normal. Once the reports came in I went to meet the Head Doctor, he talked to me, I asked his opinion , he said that since the reports are normal everything should be okay, however, the final decision is on me, I was devastated when he said’ I hope you are lucky, and not unlucky like me, my child is one of them’, when I went out of the clinic I was totally shaken , to be honest, this phase was the toughest in my life though there were instances which were much grim, but, that day I realized how difficult it is to be a mother. I was supposed to take the decision whether to carry on with this pregnancy in the 7th month, if I decided against it I was supposed to go through induced labor which shall take care of the matter. But I got strength from my God, infact Goddess, I totally and absolutely believe in her all the more after the incident, because it was no less than a miracle when the 2nd blood test at a different, renowned lab showed my blood report with no negative blood components at all!!!

On the day I went in for my C-section delivery, on the OT table my sugar level shot up to 263, even though I was under anesthesia, I could hear the commotion in the OT, the doctors panicking, speaking to each other , taking advise, and finally when I heard my child cry, I slipped into a heavy dreamless stupor.

I had to reiterate all these details about my second pregnancy here for a reason, and that reason is when my daughter was born, as usual there was stream of visitors who rather than congratulating me , sympathized with me that I had again got a daughter, that there is a next time and ‘koi baat nahi’, ‘ agli baar bhagwan ladka zaroor dega’, some people were ready with statistics that most of the time the third child after 2 girls is a boy. The last straw in the hat was when my Doctor who refused to do a family planning operation on me cited one more reason other than my new born’s ill health (she was slightly blue and was kept in the nursery for two days) that ‘ek baar aur try kar sakte ho’.

I wanted to scream and let everyone know what I had to go through to bring this child on my lap, what this child meant to me, I wanted to push everyone out of my room who spoke about not having a ‘beta’. But then I realized that only a mother can understand the trauma of going through such painful moments during pregnancy, the trauma of the thought of not being able to control the health , mental and physical , of the child who is growing in her womb and only a mother will do it without ever giving a thought to the sex of the child.

only girls can be mothers and only mothers can be so strong. I just pray to God to make my girls and every girl so strong and self dependent that the same set of people should turn back and say one day that ‘daughters are the best’.

When I saw my frail , little baby for the first time , two days after the delivery, , I could not control my tears, it was the tears of joy … I … just hope my girls will have a great and blessed life ahead….