void

Sometimes I yearn to shrink into nothingess
To become a void, non existent
Or to become something or somebody
Who can pretend not to be there
Just let things go by just as it is
Not to ponder, not to ruminate, not to plan
And not to feel good or bad
Not to wallow in self pity and not to shine
In a self induced halo
Where is the balancing act
Has it disappeared or is it a very difficult task
I do not know, I just wish to disappear
Into nothingess or let something cover me up
From head to toe and block my ears
Seal my eyes and ask that heart to stop
Just stop pinning up hopes, holding on to broken things
Hanging on to a thread , yet daring to look below
To frightening gorges and dark deep valleys
And looking above, finding nothing,
Only scattered blue and white
Sometimes turning into monstrous grey
Will power, what is that, is that a myth
Or just a concocted story
Made up by people who had to go through
Hell and never look at hope and still could never
Shrink, shrink back to nothingness
Could never yearn for the warmth and innocence of
Those days in the womb
What about those to whom you gave shelter
Of your womb and then should they be left to fend for the light
Do not know, sometimes it is raining hard , opaque and dark
Sometimes lightning strikes
Sun shines bright then disappears into the wood
Or the roaring ocean engulfs it, not even a glimpse visible to the eyes
What is it.. what does it take to control
And dissolve and disappear into a void
Or just shrink.. shrink into nothingness