The Balancing Act

Wishing a very Happy and Peaceful New Year 2015  to all This year wrap up post has been in my mind for very long.. I had planned to write many things, but somehow all that comes to mind is a blank, I just want to be silent and say a prayer to the power somewhere out there , high above looking at all of us, please give us the strength to keep the faith, give us all peace and love and harmony, let no  child be killed so brutually that his mother loses the will to live and to ever pray.. please let this world be enveloped with good sense, good cheer and PEACE.... HAPPY NEW YEAR, please 2015 be good to us all .......... Till then take care 

The path turned wet The drizzle turned to a steady downpour The angst hiccupped and then exploded A million portions of a lonely heart crashed The small rivulets joined in Tender but all absorbing Walking back on the path Life on a rewind Whirlwind towards the womb The same darkness This time no light in sight Some flower laden branches collapsed The red flowers turned out to be fragile The nest seemed abandoned Walking on, getting wet Tears mingling with the raindrops Melting the steely spine Standing up on the slippery path No sturdy, shady tree around Only vast wet winding path……………..

Delicate lashes shadowed the smooth cheeks Thick hair covered the roundness of little crown Pink lips smiled a million dollar smile Jingling little feet scattered peals of melodious sound Sing song chatters filled the air Nooks and corners and the heart's depth Same little feet trying on mammas heels Long hair and humorous banter My darling daughters, do not grow up so fast Do not hurry up so much.... Baby fragrance and hugs and kisses Turning into teenage tantrums Baby talks into gossip sessions Hold on little ladies, let me hug you some more Love you some more Enjoy the cuddles and ‘love you mama’ some more Do not hurry up so much …..

Once upon a time, before the advent of ‘Facebook’, there was this lady who kept on looking for her school friends , she searched Google, she did not come across any site were she could  find them . Many  leisure hours were spent in the hope of finding long lost friends, many evenings were spent looking at the old school albums and imagining ‘how would it be if I were to meet them now, we would have so much to talk, so much to share’ and she glowed in the feeling of warmth which emanated from her mere thoughts !! She spent her days and evenings in the rigmarole of life, but whenever she got a chance to pause, all she could ever think of was about her friends and  of getting in touch with them again, so the days passed… they became weeks and weeks passed to become months and so on.  Then few years later, on an orange tinged sun setting evening she stumbled upon the freshly doled out 'FaceBook', and her life changed, she spend her days and nights logging on to...

Turning the corner I glanced back Nothing was visible, I drew a blank Slowly at the end of the road I saw the paddy field with toad Flickering lanterns and resounding hymns Fall from the cycle , flailing signs Fishing out the cheapest clothes Like flame flocking moths Only no flame to engulf the shame The frantic attempts to save the name One by one I saw pillars falling off And then I saw the whole dorm crashing off Staring on the face With no hiding place The milestones of life , The endless strife Turning the  corner I again  looked back All the sights, all of them had made a serpentine line; pitch black

I am at a loss of words, I do not know when or where I lost my will to write.  All I can do nowadays is read, read and read a lot, when I am not reading I feel incomplete, when I read I am immersed in the lines and verses and the beautiful artistry and imagery of the writer, I imagine the pain, the hard work that must have gone into writing such enthralling and beautiful stories or did the writer do it effortlessly, the words just flew from her pen forming into beautiful words and sentences?? It can be either way, whatever way it is, I just love reading.  I am longing to read more and at the same time I am dying to write, write lovely poetry with brilliant imagery, to write prose with gripping story and lively characters. Till then I shall revel in the brilliant  and heart warming stories written by such talented writers all around.

Hanging by a thread Dangling , swaying Tipping over and drowning dead Coming to life again ,  splaying Huge octopus hands , Loneliness creeping along Making lines on sands Criss cross and oblong A thin slice of moonlight shriveled, Huddled under the oblong shadow The night, damp, warm , disheveled  Awaited day, on a dark  green  meadow

Veins grey and ashen, Eyes watery and red rimmed, Heaving and struggling for breath. Reminding of struggles and scratches, Heaving breathless out of fear, Ears scalded with abuse, Years tortured with neglect, But the immemorial chord, The duty, the emotion Blurs it all …………………. Wishing for sanity, Wishing for easy departure, Another realm, Another lifetime, Wishing emotions, bonding and love .

This is not a work of fiction, but it seems so, even to me who is the one who has experienced it all.  My memory of all that is being written here seems to have happened in some other life time, but all of it happened when I was 4 or 5 years old, but still the pictures are so vivid and so real in my mind like I am watching a techni colour HD movie or as if I am still there when I am writing it all down.  I say it is not fiction because of the tremendous  nature’s bounty and beauty and companionship that I experienced at that time  seems so unreal even to me. Let me start with the morning, yes, so the morning started with me the 5 year old running from bed straight to the verandah and sitting on the steps of the verandah (of my house which was in a small town of Kerala), the steps leading to the courtyard, it looking all clean  with fresh marks of broom which looked like half circles made over and over again on the brown earth. Sitting on the steps I l...

My latest fun online is the online shopping sites, I have to admit, I absolutely admire some of them.  Certain sites are so inviting and so charming, for example I just love Jabong.com  , every time I get a mailer from them I just can not resist myself from clicking on the pictures and entering the site, the picture clarity is amazing, I especially love the  jewelry  and shoes collection, once you reach their site , it is a huge task to leave without ordering something , you are so tempted to click and order, this shows the triumph of an online store, that it tempts you to such an extent that you have to succumb to the temptations !! Even the subject line of their ad mailers is eye catching and coaxing enough to make you enter the world of beauty, fashion and fun of online shopping. A must mention is the ‘closet label.com’ boasting of celebrities such as Malaika  khan, Susanne and Bipasha Basu, all three of them have different online stores but they ...

I ran into a stranger as he passed by, "Oh excuse me please" was my reply. He said, "Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you." We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye. But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old. Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. "Move out of the way”, I said with a frown. He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken. While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse. Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to sp...

JAB WE MET The joy we had on our face was unsurpassable, we kept hugging each other, both of us had smiles ‘ear to ear’ and we kept holding hands just to make sure that we have actually met. It was an exhilarating meeting, ( our very first meeting ) that I had with my bestest blogger friend Vincy , I do not know how to thank her for squeezing out time from her very very tight schedule, but again as a part of the long list of coincidences that both of us have in our lives, it so happened that her office, where she came to conduct a training was just round the corner from my office, vow!!  It was like we were destined to meet, and this training came up an excuse for our meeting.  I loved every bit of my 15 minutes of meeting with Vincy, in spite of landing in Delhi only in  the previous evening around 6 pm and taking long 2 hours in Delhi traffic to reach her hotel, she took out time to get such delicious chocolates for my kids.  For me it was the short...

Happy Wedding Anniversary to us If not you, then nobody, yes  you and only you could be my life partner and no one else. The ‘smile’ made my heart jump when I was seventeen and till date nothing has changed it. Today we are completing 15 years of marital bliss.  Together we have seen so many ups and downs in life, but we have stood by each other through thick and thin, we have fought like crazy and we have loved like crazier. We have created a home out of nothing, we have created the love we share and the lovely children we have and the trust, the bond.  No fancy cars, no bank balance, no five star lunches can ever replace this.  P.S – No regrets only love till eternity 

My Bucket list 1.      To Exercise regularly, run, jog, yoga .. 2.    To  update my blog regularly 3.     To learn driving – once again- I have a driving phobia L 4.     To be a better mother 5.     To be a better person          6.     Keep up my sincerity and honesty to my profession till the day I hang up my boots 7.     To learn to relax i..e to let go of my worries 8.     To  write a book 9.     To read a looooooottttttttt 10. To travel a lot ! 11. To have a happy, relaxed retired life And many more to go , but these are the top ones

How time flies ? It seems like yesterday that I brought you into this world, you were so little , so frail and thin, so red, crying at the top of your voice, the wintry cold weather of Delhi did not help you much, in spite of the AC you seemed to be craving for the warmth of your mother, that is me, the new new Mother , who was at a loss of words seeing this small little baby so dependent on me for everything. Now you are a lanky young girl, with long hair , an innocent smile and amazing sense of humour. I might not show it often but I end up in splits sometimes just ruminating over our conversations. You are so undemanding for the children of your age, you are so good in studies, (this also I might not agree and keep coaxing you to do better) but let me tell you that I am proud of your performance every year in academics and I am so relieved that you have not gone on me when it comes to Mathematics !! Also I love the way you express your love for your sister, you pamper her ...

My mother Tongue is Malayalam and I am super proud of it.  I am proud of the rich heritage this language possesses, the amazing and awesome literary feast that it has to offer and I am in awe of the extremely talented, legendary writers of Malayalam.  I am immensely proud that in spite of being born and brought up in Delhi, I can read , write and speak the language fluently, the credit goes to my Parents , grandparents and my school, Kerala School, which taught me the language, the teachers who encouraged and instilled a sense of pride and belongingness in us with regard to our mother Tongue.  In school I have won many essay writing competitions in Malayalam, and I consider myself privileged to have had the opportunity to read some legendary, outstanding literary works of Late Shri Takazhi Sivasankara pillai, he was awarded the highest Literary award of India ‘janpith’ for his novel Kayar (1978) (I have also had the privilige to meet him when he visited our sc...

Thanks   Maya   for initiating all of us on this   Blog Marathon   right at the beginning of the year, and sorry that I could not post till now as I was busy with something or the other.   So what else than ‘Procrastin ation’ as the topic of my post today.   There are many things in my life which I keep postponing and the list is endless I can start with Exercising , including fruits in my diet, drinking lots of water , you know I can go without water for hours together , I have to forcibly remember that I have to drink water   J . About procrastination in  blogging, It’s not about being out of ideas and topics but I still have that wee bit of feeling that I should post only certain types of posts on my blog, though when I started blogging 6 years back, I called this space as my virtual diary, I could never have the same feeling of privacy regarding this space.     I was always and am still afraid that what if I hurt someo...

The little blue flower that hid beneath the green Shied away from the butterflies umpteen The dewdrop on the brink of the leaf Tumbled on to the button rose with relief The snail with antique round shell Curled on to the side of the well Like tear drops on a shiny cheek Droplets clung on to the willowy teak The sound of the distant stream Melodious like a dream Like this scene so Beautiful and charming I wish the year shall be –  Heart warming