Much after I am gone

This balcony has been my favourite place since we shifted to  this apartment on the 17th floor.  The view of the ground below , the sprawling green golf course beyond the apartment and the small pathway leading to the city’s hustle and bustle are all very dear to me.

Sitting in the balcony, dangling my legs through the steel railing  ,  as if perched on the dead end of a cliff gives me a high, especially when it is after a fiery argument. The after noons are most heady, this is the time when the happenings of the mornings rushes back to my head. This is the time when the entire world stands still, my house reeks of an eerie  silence.  This is when I start imagining that  I am  in a dead city where no man lives any where near me. This is when  a strange, uneasy peace envelops my entire being.

Many times I had been tempted to lurch out, to jump on to the ground below and see what happens? will it create a difference in any body’s life?? Even now, when I am alive and breathing I am useless, I am forgotten, I am seldom given a second thought.

The medicines that I take daily are not helpful, the absence of a kid from our life, even after 9 years of marriage has reduced me to this nervous wreck.  I am living only to cook, clean, wait, anticipate, get disappointed,  get into daily  arguments, cry incessantly and then this cycle continues, month after month, year after year with no  change, what so ever.

Today I am all decked up, I am wearing my favourite perfume after a very long time, this is the same perfume which got me and him talking for the first time.. but the perfume lost out its charm and importance in due course of time.  Though this perfume with a whiff of sandalwood and ever so subtle hint of frangipani never ceased to be my favourite but  I stopped wearing it, just as I had stopped wearing make up or trendy clothes,  in short I have given up on myself.

Today I am going to do what I had been wanting to do for a long time.. I am going to set my self free, I am sure it will be really good for me, especially because  I am going to do it  from my favourite place, wearing my favourite perfume. I am sure the fragrance of sandalwood and frangipani will linger on much after I am gone. 

N.B:-  These small snippets/ stories are being written by me as a part of an online creative writing exercise I am doing. Purely imaginary :)