Wednesday, August 5, 2020

green moss

Wandering soul
perched on the green moss
 on the brown stairs
leading to depths of the pond
floating blue water lilies 
flaunting wide green leaves
failing to cover up 
the sordid tales beneath
muddy waters
that seeped into the lungs
putting out the silken dreams 
unmasked the threads 
those long and slippery ones
that tore and tied her legs too
those half baked stories
those venomous snakes 
that glided and writhed
the pristine white robe floated
clinging to algae 
shards of broken heart
pierced on to the onlookers
the black conscience 
warped in orange lies
soul loomed above
cracked and dried
longing for the wet warmth
of the swollen body
that succumbed 
searching
for unfailing friends
weeping womb
the deep waters
filled up the crevices
with wet and windy sins
to ripple into whirlwind 
to slip away
 into orbit of blissful abyss
soulful slumber 
of no more
empty lifeless lifetimes



Wednesday, July 29, 2020

'What happens when we refuse to give up'!!

With great difficulty I accomplished something which was elusive since long.  I was down and under because of the way it was elusive, I felt worthless, demotivated and had to drag my self to try one more time  each time I failed.  

One quote particularly stuck with me and that was " I want to see what happens when I refuse to give up', so I kept at it repeatedly.  I was on the brink of depression, may be it was depression but I certainly do not want to use the word casually.  Also I realised that no one, no one understood what I was going through and even if I tried to explain I could not, somehow, bring out in words the intensity of how I was poised to just break up into pieces.

Well, now finally when I met with my goal, I was overwhelmed and elated. Ready to start, roll up my sleeves and prove my self and suddenly something out of the blue like a thunderbolt struck me and showed me that I did not have to go through all this turmoil ever if I had communicated openly and on time.

 I realised that except for me every one saw what was written on the wall. I missed it big time, I had always considered myself to be good judge of human beings, working in HR for the last two decades. I was mistaken, I just missed the point, but I am glad it was about me and my wrong judgement did not effect any one else or cause any harm to them.

Now I am left with a sort of numbness, instead of rejoicing the realisation and recognition I got,  I was upset that I could not go the way I wanted to go and start doing my bit.

When we think that we know our life and how it is going to shape up, suddenly God  throws a curve ball, aiming perfectly, bringing  us on our  knees and showing us  who is the boss out there !!




Wednesday, July 15, 2020

rejection....


When rejection hounds you
It slays a knife right through
the midriff, ripping it into two
agonizingly dripping bright
droplets of dead blood
it makes your own hands
reach for your gaping face
push into into the abysmal haze
putting a black sheet over your eyes
thankfully obliterating
the cursed silhouette
then when you suddenly turn around
grappling its long tentacles
scratching on its seething apathy
throwing your head back
giving a hard push to your psyche
inhaling fresh feelings
faith and hope
flailing arms slowly simmer
heating up cold heart
to warm up some color
sparking a bright new naivety
to try once again
just once again!

Sunday, February 23, 2020

Release...


crushed under the mammoth
weight of expectations
self esteem shattered
scattered around like dry leaves
whimpering noises
creating unrest
aging the dreams
tugging the seams
mammoth shall be the efforts
to soar again like a phoenix
ready to climb
fly into the highest peaks
of the horizon
the rejection is yours
the victory is mine
my ship will trot
all along the globe
and shall anchor
only at my will
at the golden sunrise
for everyone to see..
sowing the seeds once again
of bright dreams that
 shall come true
you wait..
and see....

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Happy birthday my darling !!

And just like that you turned 18!! It's your 18th birthday and I owe a post to you my darling!! I do!

It might sound cliche when I say that I see a lot of myself in you, but it is the truth.  You are so much like me but yet so different .  Let me tell you that though I am your mother and like all mothers I am partial to my child's abilities and talents, but when I say you are the best, it's not a mother, its an HR Professional telling you that you have so much potential, you have so much of mettle that you shall be great at whatever profession that you choose in life!. 

Also your writing tells me that you are going to be one great writer, I just love the way you shape up your thoughts on paper, your command on language, the flow , the words , the content everything just shapes up so beautifully.

Like every teenager you also had teen issues, you still have but you have a big advantage  wherein you come across as this friendly, happy soul that you are going to make many awesome friends.  Also I some times envy the kind of bond you have with your sister and vice versa , the love she showers upon you and how you just adore her is amazing and I am blessed to see this love, just keep this up darling because in life if you have a great sister at your side, believe me you are blessed.  I say so because us parents are going to leave your side a few more steps down the path, but your little sister and you have a long way to go... so hold on to that beautiful love between you two and believe me everything will always be turning out just awesome.

On your birthday I just wish you life full of happiness, love and success. Soon you shall be entering college and life is going to be really different from what it was in school. I know soon you shall be flying away to your future and a very bright one at that.  Wishing you every success and happiness that a life time can hold... just stay happy and innocent and lively as you are. love you baby!

I just wish I could have been a better parent, had spent some more precious time with you during your childhood, but  I know you understand everything and you will be a great professional and an even greater human being.

If internet is around and this blog and me are around 10 years down the line, I shall come back here to celebrate your successful life on  your 28th birthday again !! Till then wishing you  many many more birthdays to  come in between and after that...

Happy birthday darling.. I love you so much!!

Friday, January 10, 2020

When life gives you lemons.. mix it with vodka and have fun!!

when you are midway in life, at some point were you are at the exact middle of an average human life and you still have to prove yourself, on silly, stupid things it is agonizing !  

When you have worked like a horse for the entire , exact half of that mid point and still has an important milestone to pass before you reach the top professionally, it is insulting !

When no one gives a damn about any of this or anything you have done for more than two decades of your life, it is heart breaking!

When you spend everyday awaiting that one call which can help you to turn a corner in your professional life, it is hugely discouraging!

When you cut your heart out for a friend and be present for them, be there for them come what may and suddenly they start ignoring you . it is absolutely soul wrenching!

I can keep thinking about all this and loath in self pity or I can count my blessings, the small , the big and the ones which are about to come and lead a happy life.. so this is what I have decided.

1. I have decided to ignore those who measure my worth  by how  neat I keep my kitchen or how organised is my almirah, sorry I do not accept it!!

2. I have decided to look at the brighter side and be happy with how far I have come in my career rather than gloating on what is not there as of now !!

3. I have decided to be a bigger person by ignoring those who does not give me my due credit and start giving my self the credit I deserve.  I am going to love and appreciate myself for every small and big thing I do rather than waiting for others to do it for me and then getting heart broken about it!!

4. I am not going to cry and wait for anything which seems to be taking eternity to manifest so I am going to ready myself to handle higher responsibilities in a better way!!

5. I am not going to go after  friends who are not worthy my love and support, if they can chose to ignore me or talk to me as per their convenience so can I !!

6. I am going to be happy go lucky.  Not going to expect anything from any one, If I am craving appreciation I give it to myself, If I am craving love I give it to myself, If I am craving friendship and venting out I give it to myself !!

This is my year and i owe a lot to myself... I love myself and I am going to be very good with me... Hello 2020  I am ready...

I am going  to put those lemons life  had been giving me all this time to good use... by mixing  it with vodka and having  fun !!! 

  Care to join ??? 



Monday, December 16, 2019

Some things in life...

Some threads old,
dwindle in size
gets entangled,
instead of sewing,
it just shreds

Some paths familiar,
grows weeds,
gets lonely,
instead of leading,
it just stops

Some places warm,
becomes damp,
gets moldy,
instead of giving peace,
it just haunts


Some bonds strong,
weakens with time,
gets distant,
instead of being real
it just fakes