Under the bottle brushed trees

Dripping wet till its willowy bend,
Rippling circles on sparkling surface
Rain came pouring down
I saw a happy leaf talking to a gurgling stream
I smelled the soothing fragrance of rain
falling on to yearning earth
the sound of birds chirping away
and the sight of wild flowers lay strewn
under the bottle brushed trees
amidst dark clouds and gleaming lightning
squirrels scurried over to the hole in the Banyan tree
And I lay curled on a soft rug
warmed by the ambers in the Victorian fire place,
looking through the French window,
at the wet wild flowers
strewn under the bottle brushed trees

The year that was

This year ,life was like that of a cliff hanger, well it still is, this has been the most uncertain year that ever could be. For more than a few months life is hanging in midair refusing to fly high or touch ground. May be this is exactly the reason that this year in many ways has been an eye opener, showing us the mirror and baring the truth, it took off the beautiful wrapping paper and showed us the real contents inside. Inspite of the uncertainties that it brought, this year also taught us some important lessons.

This year, more than once I found this thought at the back of my mind like a wall paper, that, our life is like a bubble, it may burst any time and till the time we have colours of rainbow reflecting from it and we are floating around in the horizon, everything is just fine, but it could be that we might just go pop in a matter of seconds.

I do not know why this thought keeps on recurring in my mind, may be there is something to learn from it, may be it is giving me the message to be patient, to listen more and if not able to forgive, at least to make me forget. I do not know , may be.


I am happy to reach the fag end of this year, just hoping to find lots to cherish round the corner. I Just want to dilute the bitterness with the sweet fragrance of freshly baked Christmas cakes, and the soulful spirit of the pious festival in the air. Just hoping to pick up some threads which snapped off midway, and to live and let live, hoping to see the new year show its bright face and light up all of us, our lives, with hope and cheer.

Disorderly pulse !!!

I am really sorry here that I am going against a rule set by myself that I would not talk about my worklife here, but what to do??? certain things are forcing me to rant full force on my ‘ privilege page ‘ (my blog). So beware of full on rant before anyone ventures out to read it.

On Friday we moved to our new 100 crore , sprawling 9 floor tower ,newly set up and build by our own Engineers in the NCR region. When the tower was inaugurated I felt more proud than my Chairman himself because when I joined this company it had 80 odd people and a small , rented office with a capacity to seat that many people only. Slowly but steadily things started moving, then the slow pace was left behind , much behind and we were on a roller coaster ride , purely upwards on a growth so vigorous that we were there almost on all the floors of the 12 storied commercial building in a short while. Sorry I digress, this was not the growth story of my Company, this was a rant, err. is a rant.

From the day I shifted to our new tower on to our floor , to our cabinet, I was really really hurt and aghast the way people were ready with a sting and a bite to complain about everything they could lay their eyes on. Honestly , I did not find more than a couple of people who had praise or as much any appreciation for the design, or the seating or the facilities provided by the Company. I could see employees having at least one negative feedback for even the best of facility provided.

I am not saying that employees should not complain or give their feedback, but atleast a word of appreciation for the mammoth effort put in by the people involved in the project, the heart and dreams of a big man who is instrumental in providing such facilities to his employees are all so comfortably put behind them that they do not even bother to utter a single positive word. At home when we make do with one fan and a cooler or may be one AC in one bedroom only (applicable to normal middle class working people), but when in the office the AC functioning has some hiccups to start functioning, they crib, even in this month of October when there is already a nip in the air. When conveyance is provided from their doorstep till the office, it is not all that comfy for them because now they have to board the bus half an hour earlier than their usual routine, but they forget about the jostle and push they used to suffer in a chartered bus or a blue line earlier. That the lift is too slow !!, till yesterday they were competing with people of 12 floors in a commercial building and waiting at each floor for at least 5 minutes to get to their particular floor, sigh !!

I can go on and on about the complaints, some complaints can be considered as feedback on which the management can work and streamline things further, but most of them are thoughts which are unreasonable, not thought over, the only basis or yardstick for such thoughts are only their own notions of ‘comfort’ and ‘luxury’..

If you guys are thinking what I am thinking.. then no please .. I am not in the Administration department and nor am I the Engineer who designed the building. But , yes , I sit at a place which is known as the pulse of the organization and I was really disappointed and disturbed at the disorderly pulse of our employees…

Yeah.. one more information which I can recall for trying to calm my agitating mind is that one of our employees had a complaint after returning from an ‘all expenses paid by the Company family holiday, travel to Delhi –Goa –Delhi by Kingfisher flight , and boarding at cottages in Taj hotel, Goa’ —and it was like this "The hospitality of Taj was not Good"---- now that was the icing on the cake isn’t it ????

Gratitude

I was walking barefoot along the river,
Pebbles criss crossed my path.
The river was a colour of light milky tea,
The grass on the river bank was damp.
I sat on the damp grass looking at a lone boat,
Silhouetted against the moonlight
It stirred in me the desire to slowly drown myself,
Into the cold caressing water,
the depth of the river sent ripples of fear in me.
I slowly stood up and smelled the lilies blooming near
Clutching on to myself I walked back,
To the wooden desk with a candle lit,
My hands intertwined, moonlight crept in and
I prayed
For letting me feel the pebbles under my feet,
For the damp grass and the moonlight,
For the cold and inviting water,
For four little hands and a strong shoulder
For my whole life and for whom I strive
I prayed
With teary eyes full of faith and gratitude

Waiting for the past

I was four years old and waiting was so much fun those days. I used to wait on the doorstep for my grandfather to turn up after his work, he was a photographer by profession and used to work in a nearby studio at that point of time. I was his first and only grand daughter and was the apple of his eyes. Every evening when he returned home, he sure had a small packet made of newspaper which contained some delicacy or snack ‘palaharam’ , the sight of the packet , the smell of it and the glaze of oil on the paper were the main attraction for me. When he used to enter the house calling out my name, I jumped on to him , on his lap in a second and the packet would be mine. He would then sit down for his glass of tea, and some tea was served to me also , I would first concentrate on eating the snack , it might be ‘neyyappam’ or ‘unniyappan’, sometime a ‘pappada boli’ or a ‘madakkusa’ and the best days were when I got orange coloured , juicy jalebis.

Once the savoring was over , I would turn my whole attention to my daily task and that was to give all the detail about the days activity (s) to him, and the details did not cover only me , it was about everybody at home, what we ate, what we did the whole day, who came visiting, what fish did grandma buy for dinner , whether my aunts fought with each other or they fought with my grandma or me. All these details were passed on but not in public, it was poured out right into the ears of my grandpa, the ritual was that after finishing the palaharam, I would climb up on the table on which his glass of ‘chaya’ would be resting , I would bring his face towards my lap and then start full on whispering into his ears. Once the ritual was over, everybody was called one by one by grandpa, if any body had scolded me or denied me anything during the day they would be the first one to be summoned before the court and they would be given a big scolding by my grandpa, and I would be satisfied and proudly look at the lesser mortals who were getting thrashed for disturbing her highness.

My grandpa used to love me so much, I remember he was heartbroken when I boarded my train to Delhi at the age of five , later I learned that he had vowed that he would now never keep any of his grandchildren with him anymore as he could not bear even the thought of being separated from them. But as fate would have it I traveled back to my parents, and my grandpa was upset for months together. My mother told me that he had made plans to get me admitted in a school in Kerala itself, he wanted me to stay with him. Though he was very loving at the same time one raised voice from him or just a glare was enough for me to wet my pants and howl my heart out. I was scared of him at the same time I loved him and respected him to the hilt.

Many years later when things had changed a lot, he was in Delhi and was suffering , suffering a lot of pain, there was not a single male soul around to take him to the hospital, me and my Aunt used to take him every week to the hospital , on one such occasion , it was Holi, there was not an auto to be seen on the roads, there were hoards of guys on the roads who seemed to be hooligans, in spite of all these difficulties we went ahead, took him to the doctor , got him checked up, while holding our hands climbing the stairs in the hospital, with tears in his eyes my grandpa said ‘ who says daughters are weak, they are the strongest, they are better than any son”, of course he was referring to his only son ,( rest all are daughters) , who in spite of being in the same town did not ever call upon him, never bothered to even inquire about him. Till this day I cherish those words of his, like valuable pearls, they are stored away in a velvety corner of my heart. My grandpa passed away 16 years ago, while he was in his last moments, everyone was gathered around him , everyone asked me to give him water , I refused, because I believed that my grandpa will never leave me, he will bounce back , and he will be with us. Even after he passed away I was not able to accept it for some time.

When I go through the innumerable photographs of mine which he had taken during those days when I was with him in kerala, the time that was, the time captured on his camera lense, those photographs gives me the feeling of being transcended back in time, it makes me yearn to feel his presence and his endless love once again. I am waiting for such a moment again when I can feel his presence., his love so pure,. But now waiting is not fun anymore.

My daily dose of Ordeal

I face a mammoth task daily, that of commuting from my home to office and coming back to home in the evenings…you may think .. how is it a mammoth task ? Okay let me tell you … this daily commuting form home to work and back.. it inevitably saps all my energy in the morning and leaves me dead tired in the evenings. It is my daily dose of ordeal… the huge traffic jams..thanks to innumerable projects of construction of flyover, grade separators, underpass etc etc.. which has to be completed before Commonwealth games in 2010.. this has given way to unending lines of vehicles.. honking incessantly… uncaring pedestrians ignoring the green light and walking away merrily in midst of blaring horns and angry abuses. Struck at one place in the traffic not moving even an inch for as long as half an hour.

After all this chaos on road, by the time I reach home around 8.30 / 8.45 pm or sometimes even at 9.30 p.m ( I leave office at 6.00 p.m sharp) all thanks to atleast one outdated , ill maintained DTC bus which would have broke down on a busy road right in the middle of the traffic. Now the whole thing takes away precious two and half hours from my daily life.. I am left to reach my mothers house at this hour, pick up my children , who are so happy to see their mother who sees off one of them at 6.20 am in the morning and the other at 7.30 am., they jump and squeal and hug me all over showing their love but me.. what do I give in return.. at the most a feeble smile or an angry yell .. I pick them up hurriedly.. mumble some niceties to my mother and scurry back to my house.

On reaching my house I plonk myself on the sofa.. my school going child brings in her home work, her revision for Unit test, her arts and craft assignment…poor thing tries to do the maximum work before I come in with the help of my mother but still she has something or the other to be supervised by me. My little one climbs on to my lap.. wanting to hug me and get her rightful dose of breast feed from her mother. Another hour goes in this.. then I lift my self up wearily … all the while yelling or yanking at my elder one.. do this.. study this.. write this… and then off to the kitchen.. By Gods grace I have a life partner who helps me out a lot in my household work… also in the kitchen .. inspite of this I am always left irritable… angry and generally unhappy with life due to this daily ordeal.

This Delhi traffic jams are taking the life out of me and many other ladies like me who have to get back home on time, lookafter their children, their studies.. cook food.. prepare things for the next morning etc. I wish I had some magic wand and had some miraculous time management tricks to erase this problem out from my life forever.

I know many of you must have never seen a traffic jam.. never heard of 2 and half hours commuting time from workplace to home when actually the distance can be covered in 45 minutes if the traffic is normal. Well guys.. such things happen with us lesser mortals who have to travel in public transport in the National Capital of India… no such luck as chauffer driven car (as if it would escape this maddening traffice)and two maids waiting for instructions over phone to cater to my orders… as u can see this is the life of a very ordinary woman in an ordinary world…right her in our own capital city of India.

This is my first ever tag on blogosphere. I picked this up from Deepti's blog...

A
- Available: Always for my family and friends
- Age: Please don’t ask…!!!
- Annoyance: Unpunctual late lateefs
- Animal: Like them in zoos and forests
B
- Beer: Yup !
- Birthplace: Delhi
- Body Part on opposite sex: Eyes
- Best feeling in the world: Seeing the happiness on my children and mothers face
- Blind or Deaf: Neither
- Best weather: October – November in Delhi neither very hot nor very cold.. pleasant
- Been in Love: Yes
- Been on stage: Yes
- Believe in yourself: Most of the times yes..
- Believe in life on other planets: Yes
- Believe in miracles: Yes.. absolutely
- Believe in Magic: Yes !
- Believe in God: 200%
C
- Car: Audi.. Skoda.. this is my wishlist
- Candy: Does not have a sweet tooth
- Color: White and black.
- Cried in school: Yes.. many times
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla
- Country to visit: Switzerland
D
- Day or Night: Night
- Danced: in parties .. with friends… at home with my kids
- Dance in the rain: YES
E
- Eggs: NO.. I am allergic to it
- Eyes: Most expressive part of the face
- Everyone has: the right to live , and should let live
F
- First crush: Got married to him !
- First thoughts waking up: “ So much to do… so little time”
- Food: Chicken Biryani, Parotta irachi, Malayali sadya, chinese food !
G
- Greatest Fear: Living without my family
- Giver or taker: Both
- Goals: To be a good parent to my children, to be a good daughter to my parents.. and to be a good wife…trying too hard eh??
- Get along with your parent(s): Yes.
H
- Hair Colour: Dark brown
- Height: 5ft2in
- Happy: with my husband and kids
- How do you want to die: in my sleep!
- Health freak: Trying to be one..
- Hate: when someone breaks my trust or considers me non trust worthy
I
- Ice Cream: Butterscotch
- Instrument: Tried learing sitar… did not succeed
J
- Jewelry: rings
- Job: Yes..
K
- Kids: are my life
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate
- Keep a journal: No.. only journal is my blog
L
- Love: most important possession
- Laughed so hard you cried: Yes
- Love at first sight: Yes
M
- Mooned anyone: No
- Marriage: It’s the best thing that happened to me.. it made me mature… learn about life… and learnt to be patient and to be loving..
- Motion sickness: NO
N
- Number of Siblings: 1
- Number of Piercings: 2
O
- One wish: That all those who were near and dear to me are back in life once again.with same old trust and happiness
P
- Place you’d like to live: Delhi… always…
- Perfect Pizza: any pizza
- Pepsi/Coke: Any
Q
- Questionnaires: Most of the time interesting
R
- Reason to cry: It has to be something really.. serious
- Reality T.V: A BIG NO
- Roll your tongue in a circle: Yes
S
- Song: Akhiyo ke jharoke se..
- Shoe size: Never bothered to check
- Slept outside: Yes
- Seen a dead body: Yes
- Smoked: Yes
- Shower daily?: Yes
- Sing well:No
- In the shower?: ?????
- Swear:No
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries
- Scientists need to invent: How to get uninterrupted electricity in our part of the world
T
- Time for bed: 11PM
- Thunderstorms: Love them
- TV: Balika badhu
- Touch your tongue to your nose: No
U
- Unpredictable: Not really
V
- Vegetable you hate: None
- Vegetable you love: karela, ladys finger, brinjal , well almost all
- Vacation spot: have to visit a few
W
- Weakness: my children , my family
- When you grow up: Already grown now getting old
- Worst feeling: when I am not able to help my children or my husband or parents or friends when they are not well
- Wanted to be a model: No
- Where do we go when we die : No idea !!
- Worst weather: Summer all the way
X
-X-Rays: spooky !!!
Y
-Year it is now: 2009
- Yellow: Denotes happiness to me
Z
- Zoo animals: makes me sad
- Zodiac sign: VIRGO
This is my first tag.. and I did it in one go .. yipppiee!!!


Any one who reads this may pick this tag up..