Thank You

The small little feet that kicked inside me


Gave me the first glimpse of motherhood

The frail, little angel , cocooned on my lap

Gave me the first flicker of a mother’s worry

The love and affection , the scoldings and arguments

The worry and protection and your endless strength

Made sense to me , I started fitting in your shoes

the moment my little angel was born

As a mother I started to understand my mother

Who lived a turbulent life

Had the spine of steel

Is an epitome of strength

Who never wilted under the hardest of storm

Who always protected us through the harshest parts of life

I would like to say thank you for this wonder ful life

I would like to say sorry for every tear you shed because of me

I would like to say you are the best mother

You are the strongest

You are the reason I can be a working mom

And still be at peace about my children

Safe and sound and loved in your lap

Thank you mother for everything

And sorry for all the hurt

All the harsh words, all the arguments

All the screaming, all the tears

Thank you Mother for this wonderful life

Thank you for being there through thick and thin

The best Prompt !!

Sometimes it needs a little prompting to get the best out of you, and I am definitely one of those, I need a good prompt to do my bit of writing, especially the best one that is.

The story goes like this, it was ‘Mothers day Meet’ at my younger daughter’s school, she is in UKG and her school organizes this day with a lot of activities and fanfare every year, so I went to the school all excited , as my little one was there in the dance programme dancing to the tune of ‘Naani teri morni ko mor le gaye’, so I got her Naani that is my mother also to come with me and enjoy her dance, and since I had been attending this function every year I near about knew the all the activities that would follow. So there I was sitting pretty and enjoying the sight of toddlers and teachers and enjoying the company of so many other mothers who had gathered there. Suddenly there was a twist to the story as the Prinicpal announced that they had arranged a small activity for the Mothers too, they had arranged for a question answer activity for the Mothers, this question paper had 11 questions and we Mothers had to attempt it to the best of our ability and the Mother who shall give the best answers shall be getting a ‘prize’. Vow.. now.. that was surely a surprise and all the Mothers started their writing spree at the word ‘go’.

I really liked the question paper, it had such emotional, such prompting  questions, such as ‘What are the values you have imbibed from your Mother?’, ‘What is the one thing about which you and your Mother argued the most in your teenage years ?’ and the classic one ‘What is the difference between a Mother and a Mother in law according to you?’, so as I have said above, I am someone who performs best when prompted in the best way. After around 20 minutes (time given was 30 minutes) I was the first one to submit the paper to the Principal Ma’m and when all the papers were collected and she started checking it, I could see the smile on her lips.

Once the little children had enthralled us with their excellent performances and had made us, all the Mothers,  all teary eyed, it was time for the result to be declared, and Voila! the name that was announced was of none other than, ‘yours truly’, and the Principal was so impressed with the answers and one in particular that she read it out for all, and can you guess which was the question which fetched me the first prize?? Yes, it was the classic one ‘What is the difference between a Mother and a Mother in law according to you ’??? ..

You want to know the answer that I gave??,Well, it is going to be another post altogether !!!!!

?????

There is no pain which can be compared to a mother's pain when she sees her child suffering. 

There can be no pain worse than the pain when you are brutally violated, raped and scarred for life.

There can be no suffering which can be more than the childhood whose innocence has been cruelly snatched away.

There can be no helplessness which can be compared to the helplessness where you can see your child's rapist and can do nothing about it , only wait for the system to do justice, a system which is rotten and stinking and has no hope of getting cleansed...

What a Country, what pathetic systems???

Selfish and dangerously ambitious people sitting on important chairs...

Where is the Democracy??

What happened to the the fundamental rights ????

What are we coming to?????

Again and again and again

Here, it was only a few months ago that I wrote a post pouring out my anguish and agony over the brutal rape of Nirbhaya. 

Now here I am,  again, but this time I have no words to express what I feel, all I feel is a very painful numbness and every time I look at my five year old daughter I can not just control my  tears.  What kind of human being can inflict so much pain on a baby , on such a frail child, a five year old girl child hardly weighing 20 kgs, how could he have brought himself to insert foriegn objects into her body, I just can not bring myself to write any more about the brutalities.  Doctors says her body has been mutilated to such an extent that they have not seen such a case in their career. The rapist has been compared to an animal but I have never come across such behaviour in animals, they would be ashamed to be compared to him.

I feel a heart wrenching pain just thinking about the pain that child must be suffering, her childhood has been scarred forever. I can not stop comparing the child with my daughter , exactly five years like her, she is right now playing with her doll, talking to her, and coming to me now and then with a request to comb her dolls hair, put a pin on its dress,  would 'gudiya' ever be able to play like this again.  The sweet smile , the small little body , the games the baby talk everything wells up my eyes again and again... I just can't stop thinking about this child and the amount of agony she and her parents, especially her mother might be going through now.

There is nothing more to say, in 4 months Nirbhayas rapists, one of them allegedly hanged himself, two are paving path of escape by means of an exam they are preparing to appear, another one , the juvenile ,  the one who brutalised her the most would walk free in a matter of months with some petty punishment, what about her soul?? what about her parents ?? the vacant look in her mother's eyes is haunting. 

Ther is nothing called 'Damdar dilli' or 'Dildar Dilli', Dilli has lost it, to such goons and men who roam the streets and gullies of Dilli looking for small girls and young women, they do not even spare old women , all they need is a body , a female body to scar, to brutalise , to satisfy their lust and then throw away in some garbage dump, and  the  Dilli police,  whom all of are scared to approach, who does not think twice before slapping young girls protesting a five year old's rape and the lawyers who are ready to fight the case for such brutal beasts are not of any help. 

My only wish is to run away from here as fast as possible, as early as possible huddling my two daughters, never letting them go away from my eyes and my embrace. I wish safety and innoncent childhood for every child and a safe and secure society for every young and old woman alike, will it ever , ever come true????

silence

Today I am going to experiment with silence.  Sometimes silence is the only weapon, only cure and only option available but it is hard to use , but if used properly and at the correct juncture it is the most effective tool for keeping a calm mind and surroundings !!.

 So many things go wrong because we say unnecessary things at unwanted times, we talk when we should have kept quiet.  Many a days I have started my day at office with a firm resolution to keep my mouth shut, but I have always, always miserably failed, today is such a day at office and today is an important day where my silence can teach me many lessons and leave many wondering , so I am going to experiment with 'silence' once again (with iron wil).

Tomorrow I will update the lessons that I will be learning , infact I should say " tomorrow I will update the lessons that silence will be teaching me today " , till then take care...

my own little place

Its been so long , I plan to come here often but when I open the page to write  words fail me.. I planned to slyly quit, planned to silently say goodbye to the blog and also to my writing.. but somehow I just could not...it would be equivalent to saying goodbye to my reading which I can not do without. 

Life just goes on throwing some surprises, twists and turns but I am grateful to God for giving me the strength to sustain, to overcome, to grow stronger.  If I regret anything then it is  the lack of time I get with my children, I wish I could be with them more, to see them blossoming into individuals with choices and talents but most of the time I miss out on it and sometimes I so strongly want to  throw away my job and sit at home cuddling them, playing with them, help them studying, go out with them, prepare hot meals for them when they are back from school, be there with them when they are unwell or not feeling good.  These are all wishes which may not get fulfilled ever except on weekends and holidays, may be later when I am old and have all the time in the world, my children will be away to their own homes, with their own children or their own jobs or priorities.. well..quite possible but that would be so heart wrenching...... so much time and no children  around....

 I wish my reading and writing shall  be with me forever , my writing is like a dormant volcanoe, it is there simmering away , may be it will explode some day , may be many many years later , but it can never die.. it shall always be breathing within me.

I observed that many of my fellow bloggers whom I had been following or who have been following me are all inactive, most of them might be working on a novel for all I know, so many of the bloggers have become such successful novelists... As I read somewhere on a blog... every blogger has a story inside, a novel inside, waiting to be born and it is so true.

I know this post does not make any sense but then I just typed whatever I am feeling now...

I am thankul for this small , little place that I own in this cyber world , where I can pour out my feelings and be myself... my blog.. my own little place....

wet woes

The blood is not thicker than tears,


Tears that refuse to flow

Confused and desperate

Not finding a release

Not able to contain the saltiness

Not finding a shoulder

Not finding enough paper

To scribble on the wet woes

Not finding a soul

No hand on hands

No love , no blessings to count on

No comfort to hang on to

Looking for an opportunity to flow

But not able to let go

Feeling breathless, clueless

But knowing all the while

Blood is not thicker than the tears

The sad , lonely tears…..