Friday, March 3, 2017


Do you believe in miracles? I do. I am fascinated by the idea of a miracle, there have been instances in my life where I have felt that what just happened was nothing short of a miracle in it’s literal sense.
I feel it is very positive to believe in miracles, I am not saying that we should just sit pretty waiting for a miracle to happen, we must do our 100% and wait for the natural progression of that 100% effort but if that is topped by a miracle as well, it would be really great, is it not??

Sometimes the very idea of a positive, wonderful outcome can pave way to it happening sooner or later… yes it does.  There are so many why’s and how’s that play in our mind that shows us how a particular thing may not happen at all, but then suddenly it happens, without even giving us a chance to contemplate how did this go?.  

I read a small, simple book, which is about positive thinking, but it was not the normal, visualization, affirmation stuff, it was about changing our thoughts to better thoughts, controlling our reactions to better ones. It is such a simple, basic thought but it really does wonders when we implement it, what happens then is nothing short of a miracle. It rings true then that what we give, we get, that is  if we give out positive vibes to a person,  99.99 recurring percent, we will receive the same back. It is not an easy task , it is Herculean in nature, it requires dedicated, daily practice and it requires fattening that thin line of patience a lot.

I am on a mission right now to watch such miracles too, apart from the ones that I believe in, I am trying to see the miracles that happen when we change our approach, behavior and thoughts towards something or someone who  bothers us or stresses us out.  I have started seeing the glimpses of change; I hope to see more, an entire transformation and in the process, I am readying myself to witness a beautiful MIRACLE!

Thursday, March 2, 2017

pulling me up....

Recently I attended a 3 day training program by a world renowned trainer and learned many new things. 

The irony is he was not saying anything new, everything he said was everything we already know, but seldom act upon it.  I liked the programme very much, but one thing which stayed with me is his encouragement to write, write a journal daily, not much, just to jot down how do you feel about certain things in life on a daily basis, for example 'today I learned....', 'today I commit', 'Today I am proud of 'etc.  I started doing it and now its been over 10 days and when I go back and look at that journal, what I feel is how easy it is to get dejected in life, it is the most easiest thing to do, to feel dejected, and to deject others as well.  It takes a lot of courage to lift others up and it requires a lot more than that to pull oneself up, to face ones own insecurities, fears, challenges and innate nature. 

According to me  the whole idea of this journal keeping is bringing our self to our own perspective, realize the flaws, go about trying to correct it, even the trial gets recorded. I think it's a great way to self realization. This is my understanding of this concept, to each his own.

I have been struggling to bring in change, change in myself, believe me it is hard, it requires practise, patience, dedication and the will to keep challenging oneself to improve. It is harder for a very very normal, in fact temperamental person like me with very thin patience to get accustomed to this 'change your self first to change others'.  But I am at it, no idea whether I would succeed or not, but try I will and as a part of this challenge I am going to try and write here daily, no it is not a marathon, I am too burned out for one, it is something symbolic of the change that I am trying to bring in myself, daily, one at a time, like a tortoise, slow... very slow.. but surely there.

I know I might not be making any sense here, and next posts of mine might also not make much sense but I am going to try and try either I will win or I might lose, but even in losing i am sure there will be a small victory somewhere....

Wednesday, February 8, 2017


Some days are dark and dowdy, some days are all spring and sun.  Of late, I feel there is something inside me, which is immensely eager to break free, break free into lines, paragraphs, pages, and chapters, metamorphosing into a wonderful, soul touching piece of literature. 

 Am I out of my mind, or is it the age catching up with me and showing me mirages. No idea.   I am quite cosy and smug about this at one point of time and some other time I am a bundle of nerves, not knowing what is it that is going on inside me?

Whatever it is, so long it inspires me to come back to my blog and write I am fine with it.
May be this ‘something’ inside me will never materialize, may be it will but I just hope this will, will me to write and write and write.. 

Till then dear friends and dear me… take care and stay blessed

Friday, January 13, 2017

With love on your birthday.....

Dear Daughter,

On your fifteenth birthday I have so much to say but I am unable to do so.  I think the first and foremost thing to say today to you is 'forgive me', forgive me for all the yelling and screaming and arguing that I do with you, I feel like a monster when I do that to you.  I know these are those difficult years in an individuals life, the teen years when you are neither here nor there and you feel alienated, you feel that the entire world is against you, especially your Mother.   I totally identify with that feeling, it feels like yesterday when I went through the same feelings and I thought my Mother was an insensitive person. It took me almost a  life time, that is till you turned a teenager to realise how it feels to be in the shoes of a Mother but it is ironical that though I totally understand your feelings I am somehow unable to show you the empathy that I must.

I feel strangulated  when I enter the house in the evening after a stressful day , which is almost every day, and the moment I enter the house I start shouting at you , getting irritated at the smallest of things, getting angry at the flimsiest provocations, but all that while there is a person inside me who shouts even louder at me to stop immediately, to be soft, to be smiling to be patient, but it is this monster mother who always wins, and that person inside disappears with tears in her eyes, tears of guilt, anger, stress and mostly guilt.

The fact that I am a working mother is no excuse for what I do to your sister and you almost daily. In fact most of the days when I am on my way home I resolve not to repeat the same scenario but somehow the moment I am inside the house something inside me suddenly snaps and then I am this unfeeling, unsympathetic person who is unstoppable, loaded with a lashing tongue. I think being a working mother I should be trying to make most of the time I get with you, also I need to set an example in front of both of you so that tomorrow when you become Mothers ( I think even both of you might be working Mothers) you do not do what I do to you to your children.

Forgive me my child, I will try again and I will try to give you happy memories which you will treasure when you are all grown up, I wish I can give you memories which will inspire you to be an awesome mother, a mother who is gentle and loving and fun to be with.   I dream of being one, really  I do but somehow each day, every day, I fail miserably and you can not imagine how much I loathe myself for that failure.

On your fifteenth birthday when you are taller than me, more beautiful than I ever was, more articulate and with an amazing way with words which I just love, a sense of humor which cracks up everybody,  I am sure you are going to be a really talented, well read and successful young woman.   All I wish for you is loads of happiness today and every day of your life.  

I recognize an underlying strength in you, I know how much you crave for a smile and an appreciation from me, sorry once again for all the scolding, all the humiliation which I have made you suffer knowingly most of the time and sometimes unknowingly.. just remember I love you and nobody in this world might be able to compete with me on that but I wish even more love to you...

Also I know how much it hurts on your birthday this year because last year on same day I lost my grandmother, who was epitome of beauty , strength and love and I had lost out on some precious time with her and her demise came as a real jolt to me and every one in the family.  I have seen you struggling to come to terms with this sudden loss  especially on the day of your birthday but I am sure she bestows her blessings and love to you from heaven above.  You are special  and will always remain so. 

Monday, December 26, 2016

Happy New Year !

Image result for happy new year 2017

I had been trying to bring my self to write the customary New Year post but after that very enjoyable, very challenging Blog Marathon I was sort of drained out.  Today I have dragged myself to this page.

I am glad that this year has finally come to an end , this year started off damp and then kept on getting damper and damper both personally and professionally.  I do not even want to write down anything fearing that mere mention of these things would bring negativity. Right now I am in the thick of something like the famous ‘Waiting for Godot’, well it seems an unending wait but I am hopeful and shall remain so.

I am thankful to God for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me and my family and I have only one wish for me and all of you who are reading this, to let 2017 be a year of love, hope, peace , good health and happiness. 

With this noble thought and its resonating positivity I take your leave, to meet you next year, hopefully with lots of good cheer and good things to share and yes I am going for another blog marathon for sure.. would you care to join!!!???

Wishing a very happy New year, 2017, to all of you….