The Balancing Act

Picture Courtesy : Internet   It has become a tradition of sorts with all of us bloggers to have that one last post of the year.  The post which would wrap up the whole year in just a few lines, a few paragraphs and then the whole anticipation for the New year about to come.  Well, for me I think this year just flew by, really, I have not come across a year more lightning fast than 2013, the year started on a very low note for me , when my husband took ill in the first month of the year, it was such a downer, with worry and anxiety and lots of stress, but then by God’s grace things were back on track. This year proved and sealed what I had been trying to deny ever since I started reading ‘Linda Goodmans’, I am sure all of us had read it once in our teen years/ college years and then always played the guessing game, 'you seem like a Capri', 'you must be a Leo' and all that.  Since the time I read it I always knew that I am not a typical virgo, I total...

Yeah... I know its been too long since I came here.. so here I am back with a Tag... thank you   Seema   (Horizon) for the Liebster and tag, and thank you   Vincy   (scrambles) for inspiring me too to write   by taking up the Tag first...   Here is the Tag: 1) What is your favorite word or phrase? 'Take care', and I really mean it for all my friends and family      2) What holiday makes you sad? Holiday.. they are always 'WELCOME'... no sadness..      3)What is the most cheekiest thing you have done till date? Can't say , it is too cheeky to write here ;)       4)What is the last meal that you made for yourself? Well, I cook daily and today I cooked 'alu palak' and paranthas for breakfast        5)What was your best birthday ? Why? Last to last birthday of mine a long lost friend of mine sent me a cake and   bouquet   with a small note,( ...

A Slow , dull ache spreads all over And seems to  effect only    for a moment Then it quietly gets into my blood, Leaving me glossy eyed, Smothering me gently, Caressing the life out of me But not letting me die Just letting me bleed,  all I need is  Just a drop of warmth from you, A bear hug ,  how can you Just not feel my pain? Is it because you are numb With    all the life’s hurricane? I understand, I know, But I am detached, may be forever, but I will not end up like you How much ever my genes want me to be I would overcome the block I would know, I would be warm My arms and shoulder shall wrap Into bear hugs , my palm , my fingers Would wipe away all the aches All the tears and I shall love till my death I shall always know when loneliness And ache shadows I shall be the solace That would be till life shall be… I am trying my best and I shall be, for sure, I shall not let the slow...

The moment  I enter my house in the evening, there is a distinct smell in the air and it is always hard to miss, it is the mixed  fragrance of sandalwood incense and the rose dhoop which my daughter lights while doing the evening puja. After a hard day and long hours in maddening Delhi traffic, this divine scent gives me so much of calm and peace, it also makes me happy because my daughter does it and I feel good that I have passed on a good tradition and habit to her in this tender age (she is just 11 year old). It also makes me doubly happy to see that  when she lights the diya, does the pooja and let's the calming smells take over the house, my younger daughter (just 5) is also with her, watching her didi and learning every bit of it and praying earnestly with all her innocence and faith. This serene smell also takes me back to my childhood, from where I learned the importance of ‘ namam choll’ (which means offering evening prayers), I remember sitting in th...

Yo u are the sand slipping away Not   stopping , not clinging on , Not even on sweaty, shaky palms The multitude of blessings You bestowed while walking away You are never melted by the gratitude You just do   what you have to Sometimes showering sweetness Sometimes the salty tears You are never shaken by any sight Fresh   mornings, drowsy afternoons And the flashy fast night You are the same you do not pause, only we do, for savouring your gifts or lamenting your harshness But please, please slow down For I need to do a bit more Hug my babies some more Say sweet nothings to my better half Cuddle a bit more Forgive those who hurt me, And, seek forgiveness from those whom I hurt heal the wounds   even if I never gave it Smell the flowers, enjoy the rains Cook some snacks, enjoy my work Read a bit more, write a bit more Please , please slow down I need to...

 I never thought I would be reaching this far. Many of my fellow bloggers, wonderful writers and superb human beings have reached here way, way ahead of me and I am so proud of them. For me, many posts are lying in my drafts wherein I had decided to call it a day, yes, I had decided many times to quit blogging. I was very unsure of my existence in the blogger world, I saw many bloggers posting just one post and getting comments after comments, and me, at the max just one comment or two or may be four because these are the number of very good, encouraging and supportive friends I have in the blogs world. But let me tell you, I never got jealous of them, I was and am always in awe of them, their untiring spirit, their beautiful writing, selfless and happy human beings, yes Swar , Ian , Vincy , Deeps you wonderful people , it is most appropriate for me to dedicate this 100th post to you guys without whose encouraging words I would have left this place very long ago, Thank you and BI...

There are many instances in life wherein I have really longed to go back to the past. I am longing for the time when I was 4 years old may be 5 not more than that , that is the time where I would like to go back to . I do not want to live in the past  for days together; there are some particular days and tastes which are etched in my memory forever. I remember relishing the crunchy , fruity rose apple with its distinct flavor, which I remember even now as if I am eating one right now, so is the nutty flavor of the wild jack, it’s fruit , so different and so tasty and it’s nuts which acquires a totally different taste when you eat them roasted. The green paddy fields stretching out far towards the railway line, wherein at night the train zoomed past with lights and noise, it used to be the only sighting of light at night which we had apart from the light from the lanterns that we used at our home, then there was the twinkling light of the glow worms which looked li...

It gets pretty tough sometimes, the balancing act I mean, surging through the daily grind, life loses its sheen by default I am the one to find the rainbow just forgetting the constant aches that perches on the brow ignoring the pains gnawing at the joints getting the nerves all knotted up, worrying up on so many points How I wish I could bring myself to hug you tight and not shout when both of you indulge in harmless fight when you come running to me in the evenings with happiness I am fighting a war with my tired body and am so full of snappiness When you excitedly show me the stars in your book my mind is already occupied  as to what shall I cook Everyday I tell myself, on weekend I am going to just cuddle, love and pamper both of you But the constant irritants pulls me back and I see the sadness in you the apprehensions, how is mamma today?? my heart cries  and my pillows are wet at night , I am drowning in a teary , guilt ridden puddle It gets pretty...

The small little feet that kicked inside me Gave me the first glimpse of motherhood The frail, little angel , cocooned on my lap Gave me the first flicker of a mother’s worry The love and affection , the scoldings and arguments The worry and protection and your endless strength Made sense to me , I started fitting in your shoes the moment my little angel was born As a mother I started to understand my mother Who lived a turbulent life Had the spine of steel Is an epitome of strength Who never wilted under the hardest of storm Who always protected us through the harshest parts of life I would like to say thank you for this wonder ful life I would like to say sorry for every tear you shed because of me I would like to say you are the best mother You are the strongest You are the reason I can be a working mom And still be at peace about my children Safe and sound and loved in your lap Thank you mother for everything And sorry for all the hurt ...

Sometimes it needs a little prompting to get the best out of you, and I am definitely one of those, I need a good prompt to do my bit of writing, especially the best one that is. The story goes like this, it was ‘Mothers day Meet’ at my younger daughter’s school, she is in UKG and her school organizes this day with a lot of activities and fanfare every year, so I went to the school all excited , as my little one was there in the dance programme dancing to the tune of ‘Naani teri morni ko mor le gaye’, so I got her Naani that is my mother also to come with me and enjoy her dance, and since I had been attending this function every year I near about knew the all the activities that would follow. So there I was sitting pretty and enjoying the sight of toddlers and teachers and enjoying the company of so many other mothers who had gathered there. Suddenly there was a twist to the story as the Prinicpal announced that they had arranged a small activity for the Mothers too, they had a...

There is no pain which can be compared to a mother's pain when she sees her child suffering.  There can be no pain worse than the pain when you are brutally violated, raped and scarred for life. There can be no suffering which can be more than the childhood whose innocence has been cruelly snatched away. There can be no helplessness which can be compared to the helplessness where you can see your child's rapist and can do nothing about it , only wait for the system to do justice, a system which is rotten and stinking and has no hope of getting cleansed... What a Country, what pathetic systems??? Selfish and dangerously ambitious people sitting on important chairs... Where is the Democracy?? What happened to the the fundamental rights ???? What are we coming to?????

Here, it was only a few months ago that I wrote a post pouring out my anguish and agony over the brutal rape of Nirbhaya.  Now here I am,  again, but this time I have no words to express what I feel, all I feel is a very painful numbness and every time I look at my five year old daughter I can not just control my  tears.  What kind of human being can inflict so much pain on a baby , on such a frail child, a five year old girl child hardly weighing 20 kgs, how could he have brought himself to insert foriegn objects into her body, I just can not bring myself to write any more about the brutalities.  Doctors says her body has been mutilated to such an extent that they have not seen such a case in their career. The rapist has been compared to an animal but I have never come across such behaviour in animals, they would be ashamed to be compared to him. I feel a heart wrenching pain just thinking about the pain that child must be suffering, her childhood has...

Today I am going to experiment with silence.  Sometimes silence is the only weapon, only cure and only option available but it is hard to use , but if used properly and at the correct juncture it is the most effective tool for keeping a calm mind and surroundings !!.  So many things go wrong because we say unnecessary things at unwanted times, we talk when we should have kept quiet.  Many a days I have started my day at office with a firm resolution to keep my mouth shut, but I have always, always miserably failed, today is such a day at office and today is an important day where my silence can teach me many lessons and leave many wondering , so I am going to experiment with 'silence' once again (with iron wil). Tomorrow I will update the lessons that I will be learning , infact I should say " tomorrow I will update the lessons that silence will be teaching me today " , till then take care...

Its been so long , I plan to come here often but when I open the page to write  words fail me.. I planned to slyly quit, planned to silently say goodbye to the blog and also to my writing.. but somehow I just could not...it would be equivalent to saying goodbye to my reading which I can not do without.  Life just goes on throwing some surprises, twists and turns but I am grateful to God for giving me the strength to sustain, to overcome, to grow stronger.  If I regret anything then it is  the lack of time I get with my children, I wish I could be with them more, to see them blossoming into individuals with choices and talents but most of the time I miss out on it and sometimes I so strongly want to  throw away my job and sit at home cuddling them, playing with them, help them studying, go out with them, prepare hot meals for them when they are back from school, be there with them when they are unwell or not feeling good.  These are all wishes whi...

The blood is not thicker than tears, Tears that refuse to flow Confused and desperate Not finding a release Not able to contain the saltiness Not finding a shoulder Not finding enough paper To scribble on the wet woes Not finding a soul No hand on hands No love , no blessings to count on No comfort to hang on to Looking for an opportunity to flow But not able to let go Feeling breathless, clueless But knowing all the while Blood is not thicker than the tears The sad , lonely tears…..

It's been over a month since I last posted here, but my mind is still with that last post, everything around me reminds me every day about the incident. I know the crowds are frequenting Jantar Mantar only once in a while, the hue and cry has died down, but nothing else has changed, I mean, no change, absolutely no change in the eyes that rape you every day, the meanness, the cruelty, the disregard, the insult that these unending eyes unleash on you everyday is seen to be believed. Delhi , my dear Delhi, what  has happened to you, where you always like this?? yes , I think so, I remember some childhood incidents which tells me so, where people did not give any concession to a child but tried to take advantage that the child is female, some unfortunate incident in my close vicinity and the way people dealt with it, people, educated, well educated, well cultured reacting to it really really made me think that it is a herculean task to change our society, it has been trained over th...