I , the social media and the imposter syndrome - a long rant ahead - beware !!

Where am I supposed to get those words and sentences from. The ones which they  dole out so perfectly and it hits the right chord with everyone. Every single day I am pulled deeper and deeper into this endless abyss of thinking that I am worthless , that I have no talent, that i can not write anything which resonates with anyone, leave alone striking a chord. Social media says it is called the 'Imposter syndrome', and I think I am neck deep in it. Nothing and nobody can convince me about my confidence , my knowledge or my capabilities. Sometimes when I go back to re read my posts here I feel that it is written by some one else, i see the comments and I feel vow! that was great and then what happened??

All I can manage to do nowadays apart from doing my job which consumes 8 hours plus another 4 hours of commute to-and-fro every single day is just scroll mindlessly. I just get engrossed in other peoples stories, their immense talent an success. Quite a few of them makes me stop in my track and think what am I even doing in my job? people are putting their talents on display and earning in hours and days what people like us work ourselves crazy to earn in a month. Remember this is me, someone who has always been proud of about not comparing life journeys and material wealth with anybody and this is how I feel then what about those teenagers and people with limited opportunities , what about them ?!  

There are 100 advantages of social media but I can tell you the biggest disadvantage that I face. I tried painting, crocheting, going back to reading, writing , meditation and what not to break free from this vicious cycle of doom scrolling and nothing has worked for me. Though i have limited consumption on weekdays, the weekends outshine the number of hours I am on it through the entire week. So coming back to the disadvantage is that i feel good for nothing, i mean i feel i am just about managing my job, rest in every which way i am such a talent less person who has no talent whatsoever!  I think I can also do what the other is doing, selling cosmetics, being a cook, doling out life advise, astrology, selling sarees, mimicking, comedy , quotes and what not! and then look at me , the only thing I end up doing perfectly is mindless scrolling and wasting my time. 

I wonder if any one feels like what I feel? well who am I even asking ? because long back people left blogosphere lock , stock and barrel and hopped on to Instagram and face book and Tiktok and thousand other apps. I am still here doling out words which are hard to come by and then looking for answers from non existent readers. Sad but true! 

It is said that do whatever you want , say whatever you like but do not speak negative about your self so I am going to shake off this 'Imposter Syndrome' and going to say every single day 'I am the best, I am so talented, my work is viral , I have a million followers and  each one of them   likes me and sends me love" :)  on that optimistic note I am signing off ! 

 Love to all those who used to come here in yesteryears and those who land here still I don't know how? and why because my blogger widget shows people coming over from so many places from  all over the world  to my blog but not leaving a single comment or a hello. 

 Hey you! you are welcome but show some love   and let this soul feel loved and recover from  Imposter syndrome !.

Till then take care and stay blessed.