The Balancing Act

A Slow , dull ache spreads all over And seems to  effect only    for a moment Then it quietly gets into my blood, Leaving me glossy eyed, Smothering me gently, Caressing the life out of me But not letting me die Just letting me bleed,  all I need is  Just a drop of warmth from you, A bear hug ,  how can you Just not feel my pain? Is it because you are numb With    all the life’s hurricane? I understand, I know, But I am detached, may be forever, but I will not end up like you How much ever my genes want me to be I would overcome the block I would know, I would be warm My arms and shoulder shall wrap Into bear hugs , my palm , my fingers Would wipe away all the aches All the tears and I shall love till my death I shall always know when loneliness And ache shadows I shall be the solace That would be till life shall be… I am trying my best and I shall be, for sure, I shall not let the slow...

The moment  I enter my house in the evening, there is a distinct smell in the air and it is always hard to miss, it is the mixed  fragrance of sandalwood incense and the rose dhoop which my daughter lights while doing the evening puja. After a hard day and long hours in maddening Delhi traffic, this divine scent gives me so much of calm and peace, it also makes me happy because my daughter does it and I feel good that I have passed on a good tradition and habit to her in this tender age (she is just 11 year old). It also makes me doubly happy to see that  when she lights the diya, does the pooja and let's the calming smells take over the house, my younger daughter (just 5) is also with her, watching her didi and learning every bit of it and praying earnestly with all her innocence and faith. This serene smell also takes me back to my childhood, from where I learned the importance of ‘ namam choll’ (which means offering evening prayers), I remember sitting in th...

Yo u are the sand slipping away Not   stopping , not clinging on , Not even on sweaty, shaky palms The multitude of blessings You bestowed while walking away You are never melted by the gratitude You just do   what you have to Sometimes showering sweetness Sometimes the salty tears You are never shaken by any sight Fresh   mornings, drowsy afternoons And the flashy fast night You are the same you do not pause, only we do, for savouring your gifts or lamenting your harshness But please, please slow down For I need to do a bit more Hug my babies some more Say sweet nothings to my better half Cuddle a bit more Forgive those who hurt me, And, seek forgiveness from those whom I hurt heal the wounds   even if I never gave it Smell the flowers, enjoy the rains Cook some snacks, enjoy my work Read a bit more, write a bit more Please , please slow down I need to...

 I never thought I would be reaching this far. Many of my fellow bloggers, wonderful writers and superb human beings have reached here way, way ahead of me and I am so proud of them. For me, many posts are lying in my drafts wherein I had decided to call it a day, yes, I had decided many times to quit blogging. I was very unsure of my existence in the blogger world, I saw many bloggers posting just one post and getting comments after comments, and me, at the max just one comment or two or may be four because these are the number of very good, encouraging and supportive friends I have in the blogs world. But let me tell you, I never got jealous of them, I was and am always in awe of them, their untiring spirit, their beautiful writing, selfless and happy human beings, yes Swar , Ian , Vincy , Deeps you wonderful people , it is most appropriate for me to dedicate this 100th post to you guys without whose encouraging words I would have left this place very long ago, Thank you and BI...

There are many instances in life wherein I have really longed to go back to the past. I am longing for the time when I was 4 years old may be 5 not more than that , that is the time where I would like to go back to . I do not want to live in the past  for days together; there are some particular days and tastes which are etched in my memory forever. I remember relishing the crunchy , fruity rose apple with its distinct flavor, which I remember even now as if I am eating one right now, so is the nutty flavor of the wild jack, it’s fruit , so different and so tasty and it’s nuts which acquires a totally different taste when you eat them roasted. The green paddy fields stretching out far towards the railway line, wherein at night the train zoomed past with lights and noise, it used to be the only sighting of light at night which we had apart from the light from the lanterns that we used at our home, then there was the twinkling light of the glow worms which looked li...

It gets pretty tough sometimes, the balancing act I mean, surging through the daily grind, life loses its sheen by default I am the one to find the rainbow just forgetting the constant aches that perches on the brow ignoring the pains gnawing at the joints getting the nerves all knotted up, worrying up on so many points How I wish I could bring myself to hug you tight and not shout when both of you indulge in harmless fight when you come running to me in the evenings with happiness I am fighting a war with my tired body and am so full of snappiness When you excitedly show me the stars in your book my mind is already occupied  as to what shall I cook Everyday I tell myself, on weekend I am going to just cuddle, love and pamper both of you But the constant irritants pulls me back and I see the sadness in you the apprehensions, how is mamma today?? my heart cries  and my pillows are wet at night , I am drowning in a teary , guilt ridden puddle It gets pretty...

The small little feet that kicked inside me Gave me the first glimpse of motherhood The frail, little angel , cocooned on my lap Gave me the first flicker of a mother’s worry The love and affection , the scoldings and arguments The worry and protection and your endless strength Made sense to me , I started fitting in your shoes the moment my little angel was born As a mother I started to understand my mother Who lived a turbulent life Had the spine of steel Is an epitome of strength Who never wilted under the hardest of storm Who always protected us through the harshest parts of life I would like to say thank you for this wonder ful life I would like to say sorry for every tear you shed because of me I would like to say you are the best mother You are the strongest You are the reason I can be a working mom And still be at peace about my children Safe and sound and loved in your lap Thank you mother for everything And sorry for all the hurt ...